I Think Too Much
There's sooo much on my mind right now. Work, future career, house-hunting, my marriage, and past relationships.
I haven't been doing very well with work. It can be quite rewarding when you work 100% on commission, it can also be very risky. I've had some AMAZING months to where I was able to pay off all of my debt, my husband's debt, AND save money. These last past few months have not been so great. So there's plenty of pressure. And even though at times I can work really well under pressure, with this job I cannot. I don't like the pressures and stress of this job.
I'm thinking about switching the gears on my career. But change can be very daunting, especially with limited experience. Should I go in the direction of creativity or should I go in the direction of business? I have degrees in both. I don't know. Ugggh!
For the past few months, we've been looking into being 1st time home owners. It's been the plan for the last past 2-3 years now. We've been working on our credit, our debt, and saving money. We've looked at numerous homes online and in person while working with a realtor as well as a very proficient loan officer. Found a house, put in an offer. Didn't get the house. Found another house. Put in another offer. Didn't get the house again. I thought this was going to be easy. I thought this was going to be fun. It's not. It's a seller's market right now, especially in the area I'm in. This us not fun at all and it's seriously stressing me the hell out.
My marriage has always been rocky. I originally joined EP for the very reason to let out heat and steam over the frustrating matter. The waters have calmed lately though. We've been talking more, expressing our feelings, and been more sentimental. We're looking into marriage therapy, but we have also said that before. We'll see. Last week, we've hit 16 years of marriage.
Past relationships have always been a serious matter for me. I talk to a lot of people. Before and even still. I get along with everyone great, so there's no reason to not have a relationship with everyone from my past still. Except for "him". I don't talk to "him" anymore because "she" forbid it. It's been several years since I've talked to "him". Recently, I've been reminded of his clingy-ness. I didn't like it, but felt good being reminded of that. It reminds me why it didn't work. And in my life, I need structure and stability. I need someone dependable and strong. I want to feel equivalent to someone.
So many memories pouring in though. A lot on my mind. I'm not sure how to focus or prioritize. They all require my attention. I'm getting tired. Ugggh, I haven't even washed up yet. But I think that's going to have to happen in the morning. I'm not looking forward to work tomorrow. I'm just over it already...
I haven't been doing very well with work. It can be quite rewarding when you work 100% on commission, it can also be very risky. I've had some AMAZING months to where I was able to pay off all of my debt, my husband's debt, AND save money. These last past few months have not been so great. So there's plenty of pressure. And even though at times I can work really well under pressure, with this job I cannot. I don't like the pressures and stress of this job.
I'm thinking about switching the gears on my career. But change can be very daunting, especially with limited experience. Should I go in the direction of creativity or should I go in the direction of business? I have degrees in both. I don't know. Ugggh!
For the past few months, we've been looking into being 1st time home owners. It's been the plan for the last past 2-3 years now. We've been working on our credit, our debt, and saving money. We've looked at numerous homes online and in person while working with a realtor as well as a very proficient loan officer. Found a house, put in an offer. Didn't get the house. Found another house. Put in another offer. Didn't get the house again. I thought this was going to be easy. I thought this was going to be fun. It's not. It's a seller's market right now, especially in the area I'm in. This us not fun at all and it's seriously stressing me the hell out.
My marriage has always been rocky. I originally joined EP for the very reason to let out heat and steam over the frustrating matter. The waters have calmed lately though. We've been talking more, expressing our feelings, and been more sentimental. We're looking into marriage therapy, but we have also said that before. We'll see. Last week, we've hit 16 years of marriage.
Past relationships have always been a serious matter for me. I talk to a lot of people. Before and even still. I get along with everyone great, so there's no reason to not have a relationship with everyone from my past still. Except for "him". I don't talk to "him" anymore because "she" forbid it. It's been several years since I've talked to "him". Recently, I've been reminded of his clingy-ness. I didn't like it, but felt good being reminded of that. It reminds me why it didn't work. And in my life, I need structure and stability. I need someone dependable and strong. I want to feel equivalent to someone.
So many memories pouring in though. A lot on my mind. I'm not sure how to focus or prioritize. They all require my attention. I'm getting tired. Ugggh, I haven't even washed up yet. But I think that's going to have to happen in the morning. I'm not looking forward to work tomorrow. I'm just over it already...
