Real Talk - Alcohol and Fat

Long story short - I think the reason I don't care about being "fat" any more is because I've always thought I was fat.

When I was 18, 5'8", 115 lbs, I thought I was fat. It was a constant thought.

I was so insecure, that the first time I was interested in someone on the internet, I took a 180 degree video of my profile right to left. To show/warn them that I had no chin? To show them how ugly I was up front, so they could leave early.

As they say, "I wish I was as fat as I was when I first thought I was fat".

Now....I don't know.

It is the alcohol that had me gain weight.

I think about the celebrities that have altered all of their face and bodies. Lindsay Lohan who doesn't even look like herself any more. Sure, they are clear skinned, smooth, thin....but wow.

Just robots.

I think about all the things 'I' like about people.

Their "love handles", the uneven teeth, the eyebrow furrow, the smile lines, the dry skin, the hairy chest/back.

I think about the end.

An old couple.

Still in love.

The puzzle pieces that we are meant to find.

Not to smooth out all of our shapes to fit anything and everything.