I hate this despair that comes and goes. Like a shitty boyfriend. It knows when I'm on the up, then there it is... Laughing at me again.

I have tried to blame myself for decades. I have tried to fix it, cure it, embrace it, bury it, talk/not talk about it. It's a darkness even my morbid ass can't handle. It makes me want to self harm. It's a point where I lose people and support because it's too much.

I'm tired of fighting it off. Fuck I'm tired.