I'm happy for you 🖤

I'm happy that you have people close to you. That you have what you need.

But I am in a different place within. I am searching in places that need light.

You live in a well lit place. Not without it's shadows I know, but safety has been a gift you may not recognize. Because it doesn't matter to you what it would mean to someone else.

So maybe you don't look down on me, you likely don't have any thoughts or feelings towards me at all. None that I am worth enough to you to say.

It's all okay.

I must accept my separateness. I am only an other to you. A background object you won't notice is missing.

I am not putting myself down in any way. Nor am I putting you down. I'm simply saying goodbye, or see ya later alligator even though it feels like you no longer recognize me.

I have grown uncomfortable here.

I enjoy the laughter and sharing. It's what keeps me coming back. I love you all more than you'll ever realize. You have been my community. My family tbh.

I'm just so tired of boundaries and walls.

It's gotten repetitive to the point of brainwashing. I don't want my mind scrubbed of hope. I don't want to keep diving into the shallows expecting to be refreshed.

I don't know what I'm doing yet, but I know seeking here isn't what it used to be. Yeah change is the only constant, blah blah blah, I accept your boundaries and bubbles and it doesn't hurt that you don't care.

I'm simply really really really beyond really ready for a sense of belonging and safety. And I'm just different in a way people don't want to deal with.

All okay, all water under the bridge. Just might be time to set sail again.