I'm beginning to believe I was not meant to be born...

Or at least stay for very long. As in, I full fill my purpose and I'm gone. The amount of things that I've gone through and continue to go through that it's so much a pattern, I can say I'm "use to it." But in reality, It may not surprise me anymore that I'm a doormat for people but it hurts all the same. It's not lack of me establishing boundaries either. It's just a weird tendency to ignore that I even exist whether it's family or a stranger. I can talk directly to people, they may hear me, but they're not listening. It's like I'm talking to a brick wall. Oh, but when I am noticed it's for all the wrong reasons but everything I do say still... it's like a drop in an ocean.

Idk dude, I hope I come back as a ghost. It won't be any different being invisible but at least I can rearrange people's furniture that they'll notice and flip out lol They catch me on an "EVP" recording saying, "How's that pinky toe you messed up because I moved the couch an inch to the left?" Hahaha but don't worry, I'll only do that to certified buttholes. Not decent folk if there's still any.

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AlchemyFox · 36-40, F

I totally relate. I've always been invisible unless they saw the potential to use me or pick at me. People make you believe it's something you're doing. Like you're not assertive enough, you have no self worth, you don't have boundaries yada yada... But you know in your heart the person you've built yourself to be, it's just nobody sees you.

I've learned to embrace it. It's sad, truly. But I wouldn't turn into a snob or a fake for any reason. Fuck um.

RedGrizzly · 26-30, F

@AlchemyFox For sure. I'm not going to people please or change who I am. But it sucks and I have no idea why it has to be this way.

AlchemyFox · 36-40, F

@RedGrizzly if I may... A lot of people are fake and shitty. They don't care to look deeper. But you are deep. You're beautiful. Don't let anyone of those robots make you feel otherwise.

RedGrizzly · 26-30, F

@AlchemyFox yeah. I think people like you and I are far and few in between. Genuineness, moral compass, hell...even manners seem to be old fashioned and out dated in the times we live in now. We're all superficially connected through technology, and by the numbing of it we replicate that screen face to face. Online, you're not pressured to play nice or listen at all. Hit the x at the corner or tap to get out of the window. In real life? Walk away, ignore, indulge in something else that's entertaining because that's the new way of having a conversation. If it's boring or too real, bye. Only here for free entertainment and my own interests like cats and stuff. Nevermind what knowledge, wisdom, actual experiences or something new to you sits behind someone's eyes.

So ... I guess on that I'm just not interesting enough to most people because I'm not a cat inside a tissue box or am basic like everything else is.

Sorry for the rant. I put a lot of thought into it.

AlchemyFox · 36-40, F

@RedGrizzly Don't be sorry. I am a person who cares. I don't need to be entertained. I appreciate your truth and understand/appreciate putting thought into conversation.

Some of us can't be turned off. For whatever reason. Maybe born this way, maybe circumstantial. But we exist. And there's more, few and far between.

Technology is draining. People fused with social media are the degradation of humanity. It's not gonna happen to you. It hurts, you get left behind, but it's 1000000000000x better than conforming to the bullshit.

I think you are wonderful. I see you. I appreciate you being you 🖤

RedGrizzly · 26-30, F

@AlchemyFox Thank you. Hell, I'm actually going to do a social experiment to display my point. Mostly because I'm curious on it's effectiveness. You're right though. But that gap and disconnection is draining in itself and at times outright horrific because people (or drones at this point) being shittier or following the most primal desires at huge disrespect to someone else or they're brain dead in ignorance. Now I'm just venting. Lol

Anyhow, I'm glad I'm not alone that someone could relate but it's sad thing that you do. It shouldn't be like this but here we are. I gotta get accustomed to being the only one in a crowd, metaphorically speaking, before I lose my patience and then it's all a misunderstanding. Thank you though. 🤗

AlchemyFox · 36-40, F

@RedGrizzly Do what you gotta do. I know I'm just an internet nobody but I believe you'll find your way.

RedGrizzly · 26-30, F

@AlchemyFox you're not a nobody. You never were a nobody to me. You're a good friend. Better than most people I've met in person because you took time out of your day to entertain a conversation with me. That does mean something to me. Thank you. 🤗🤗🤗🤗🦊