Yeah, an introvert doesn't mean you're shy, you might just prefer distancing yourself at times. There's the definition of all individuals identities and qualities, but I don't want to explain them one by one. We are built and sculpted by many things, experiences, trauma, upbringing,...Life!!!
And I alone might come by as well?..maybe "ignorant" is too strong a word!!..But let me explain....
Firstly after an accident when I was a child I was diagnosed with epilepsy, (absence seizures) and it does not help with nerves, I overthink things, and my parents began being over protective, their for me, incase I seriously injure myself, or drown in the bath during a seizure
And on the side of upbringing, I can admit my independence hasn't been clear,..When your parents question what you say, what you do, what you wear, and make remarks on what you say in family occasions..you hide inside a shell and disbelieve in yourself in general..it took me a bit of time to come out my own "personal shell"
And what I mean by "personal shell" is how I express myself, or simply..managing to be myself..I came out as a transwoman..and It was really difficult amongst family and friends..I had to try and stay true. The pros and cons being..A vibe of independence, cons trying to juggle discrimination abd hatred with epilepsy (because seizures can be triggered by stress)
So coming out my "personal shell" is being myself, coming out as a transwoman, and away from all the people having confidence alone. But I still have that social anxiety. Not fear of people!!!..that's not what that means. It's like fear of being judged or being in an environment where people might not really appreciate or want me in their presence. And all this stems from criticism I've faced due to my identity public, things I was taught by my parents, questions I've been asked. And the fear that epilepsy might have after discrimination I've faced. But my fear to introduce myself or approach conversations, and groups are all related to upbringing. Being told things aren't right, what I'm saying isn't relevant, and it makes me feel like my contribution would be worthless. Everything comes together and creates fear...but people see confidence.
And I'm fine when people come and approach me, it's a sign they really want to talk. But when I was out at a place , sitting at a bench after a phone call I had. These people got chatty, asked if I knew someone. And I said I recognised the name, and said " yeah, I just met her this week".. But then they said "Oh sorry, Some people like to be alone, we didn't mean to disturb you" And It's because I have a more laid back personality, I'm not jumping around everywhere like jackinthebox. But I replied, And told them everything, told them they're welcome..And the completely enjoyed their time with me...I'm about close, personal, relations....People might see nerves, and anxiety as some form of ignorance...but they'll find I've been first to help, and trustworthy...I just don't want to be taken for granted x
