I know what's wrong with me and I'm struggling to accept it.

I hate to admit but my sister was right. I got the proper testing done due to a discussion I had regarding my meltdowns where I scream,freak out and hurt myself and we've come to the conclusion I have what they call level 1 or high functioning/mild autism. It honestly explains a lot in terms of how I act and how I've struggled to fit in my entire life. I always knew something was wrong with me and that I was off from others around me but I just thought it was a self esteem issue.

I'm struggling to accept it because technically this means I'm disabled and i don't want to be labeled that. I also don't like how it makes me feel like an inferior other. I feel ugly and disgusting and I know I bring shame and dishonor to my family. I don't want to be seen as a "retard" or a "failure". Besides telling you guys I'm keeping it a tightlipped secret. Nobody will know. I'm not telling my current or future jobs. I'm never going to tell a partner or even spouse if I ever get that far as to even have one of those. I'm not even going to tell friends or family. I'm especially not telling my sister because i don't want to give her the satisfaction of being right.