I Am Not Who They Think I Am

I met someone new who seems nice. We have sent a few messages back and forth but i dont know why I'm doing this. I feel a strong desire to rebel and explore new territories but my conscious says I should not. Just don't know what I'm doing with my life and who I want to be with. Maybe it's just I miss being a freebird. I feel caged. Cannot just go out for drinks aftet work or meet up with people without plan making. I have to come up with whom im with or where. Just hate that dad like act even if it has good intentions. Spouse asks me when ill be home and sends me house links from Zillow. Im beginning to live a double life. I think today I realized I'm lost and depressed with myself.