I Am Not Who They Think I Am

I'm not posting this for comments. I just wanted to get it off my chest. I chose this group because I'm not comfortable discussing this with people I know. Therefore, they see something entirely different. I'm not going to say that they only see what I want them to see. They see what they want to see. Sometimes I don't feel like the same person. It's hard to explain without raising some eyebrows. I have a history of psychological problems, but I know there is much more below the surface that hasn't been identified yet. There have been times when I thought I had successfully identified the triggers to these changes. However, they seem to change just as often as everything else. My perception of this issue also changes. I embrace it at times, whereas other times I have considered suicide. I guess it's a stretch to say that I've embraced it at any point when I eventually end up right back at suicidal thoughts. I'm fine tonight, which is great. That's probably why I'm writing this. I know that most of this probably doesn't make much sense. I'm just putting my thoughts into words, which I don't do nearly as often as I'd like. I also haven't provided details on what exactly my issue is. Well, that's difficult to do, even with people I trust. My wife knows more than anyone else about this, yet she only knows a small portion. She still loves me. I won't ask for more than that. If you read all this, thanks for reading!