honest with myself, and

when I really admit it to myself...

I just want to die. Ive had that thought since I was 12.

I make it, cause Im a survivor

I shake it

briefly

but,

I dont want to survive anymore

and I havent found a way to live

and I just dont have much more left

I feel ashamed....a stupid white girl wanting to die, boo hoo. I feel like a disgrace, to God. even if, Im not even that religious

but that doesnt stop the feeling. doesnt stop my brain from screaming

it never stops

it just never stops

I grab my head and silently scream "Im sorry Im sorry"