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Many things have happened in my life..

I’ve been married twice, I’ve broken many bones, had more surgeries than I can count. I have a genetic disorder that isn’t nearly as tragic and many others but, it’s responsible for many of my surgeries and more.

I just want to have a great love in my life. Like everyone else, I just want to be happy.

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riseofthemachine · 41-45, M

If you describe your version of happiness you 'all never know what happiness will be cause you be chasing an illusion .
The more pain you go through in life , the better , cause you'd have a deeper understanding of happiness and peace .
They key to it is not to break or crack up and you'll experience happiness then .
I went through so much and I used to compare myself with others based on there happiness and thats the biggest trick on the human mind cause it brings you into self pity .
Self pity is a disease in itself

Marstar22 · 36-40, F

@riseofthemachine I completely understand what you’re saving but I’m not comparing and feeling jealous of others. I literally just to find my own happiness.

riseofthemachine · 41-45, M

@Marstar22 meditation helps , that's the foundation of happiness,
Otherwise you be chasing this and chasing that outside of you and you still wont happy even with outside stuff .
Happiness comes from with it

Marstar22 · 36-40, F

@riseofthemachine I can’t argue that

riseofthemachine · 41-45, M

@Marstar22 do you know how I know , I tried to commit suicide 11 years ago and survived it

Marstar22 · 36-40, F

@riseofthemachine I’ve tried before as well. I’m happy you survived it

riseofthemachine · 41-45, M

@Marstar22 I'm happy you survived it as well . I my as well tell you why and what was the cause . It was from a very painful break up , not blaming her , it was the worst pain I ever went through being honest

Marstar22 · 36-40, F

@riseofthemachine for me it’s just never feeling like I’m ever enough. Just filled with self doubt

riseofthemachine · 41-45, M

@Marstar22 That's what happened ,and when your in self doubt then , all darker thoughts come into your life to make you even more insecure

Marstar22 · 36-40, F

@riseofthemachine yes

riseofthemachine · 41-45, M

@Marstar22 Did you get bullied a lot . If so , that's were that thinking comes in a lot .
Self doubt
Self esteem issues
Loneliness,
Feel empty .
Toxic relationships
.
All of that stuff happend through trauma, no matter what trauma it is

Marstar22 · 36-40, F

@riseofthemachine yes bullied my entire life and I have a very complicated relationship with my mom.

riseofthemachine · 41-45, M

@Marstar22 I knew that now .
What helps with is start writing everything down on what happened through your life up to now. Share it with someone trust . You probably have trust issues as well, but the right person might come into your life .
You be surprised how much baggage you be carrying in your mind .
After that then try get into meditation, it's so good when you get into it .
A lot of actors and actresses do meditation cause a lot of them can't handle the fame , that's what keeps them stable

riseofthemachine · 41-45, M

@Marstar22 you come across a soft gentle person

Marstar22 · 36-40, F

@riseofthemachine major trust issues and I am a people pleaser so I’ve been taken advantage of. I know why I’m fucked up just don’t know how to fix it. I’ve been to therapy, I’m on meds. I just don’t know if I will ever figure it out.

Marstar22 · 36-40, F

@riseofthemachine I am

riseofthemachine · 41-45, M

@Marstar22 I'm after being through all of that , meds , therapy. I went through everything and what I told you about the writing is what done the trick for me . Meditation done the trick for me , and another huge one is don't be afraid , emotions can be scary but don't be afraid .

Marstar22 · 36-40, F

@riseofthemachine *deep breath* I will try

riseofthemachine · 41-45, M

@Marstar22 and also you might be confused about a people pleaser . You could be just a decent person and there's nothing wrong with that .
Your probably get the people pleaser mixed cause what your thinking is that you could be afraid of getting hurt

riseofthemachine · 41-45, M

@Marstar22 Type in " The honest guys" on you tube.
They have brilliant meditations. That's what I look up . It helps me

Marstar22 · 36-40, F

@riseofthemachine 🤷🏻‍♀️I will put others needs before mine and let them hurt me despite how I feel

riseofthemachine · 41-45, M

@Marstar22 it's not hurt your feeling at all . It's spiritual growth and the pain your in is getting mixed up with putting other need 1st .
See if your thinking about yourself all the time , you'll never achieve happiness. Do you get were I'm coming from cause if you be thinking about yourself the pain gets more intense and more painful

Marstar22 · 36-40, F

@riseofthemachine yes I understand your point

riseofthemachine · 41-45, M

@Marstar22 you come across a good person and why is that cause you suffered so much and pain brings out the best in a person