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Good parenting is the hardest job any adult can take on.
We're all fallible, so none of us is capable of getting it 100% right.
Hopefully, one day, when our kids are mature enough, they will forgive us our mistakes.
The following is only an ideal - but I believe it's what we should all be striving to achieve:
- breast feeding for anywhere between a year and five years,
but if this is not possible, holding the infant while it sucks the bottle.
- listens with empathy, accepts, mirrors and names emotions,
- attention, cuddles and affection,
- clear and honest non-verbal and verbal communication,
- learning boundaries through respect for their "no" whenever possible
and through quiet but firm insistence on our "no" for our boundaries or to protect pets and others and themselves.
- never expect a young child to understand a command like, "don't go out on the street". They don't yet have the neurological development to inhibit an impulse; under 8, if they're outdoors or near the pool, be there close enough to intervene if necessary, and keep an eye on them. Don't let yourself get distracted.
- no verbal abuse, no violence, no abandonment or neglect,
- parents consistently model the behaviours and modes of speech they want their children to develop
- clear age-appropriate rules with relevant and consistent consequences for breaches,
negotiated and agreed when they're old enough
- start encouraging help with tasks form the age of two (as play)
- from 5 (dexterity) give them actual tasks to help with, increase as appropriate to age
- consistent healthy diet (fresh whole foods prepared at home),
- exercise in the forms of physical and mental play, creativity and discovery,
- good hygiene and cleanliness without obsession,
- warmth, shelter and adequate and well fitting clothing, esp shoes,
- vaccinations plus appropriate medical care and 6-monthly dental checks,
- opportunities to make friends with other kids face to face (online limited to max 2 hrs per day)
- environmental enrichment with music, books, pets, and hobbies,
- encouragement with education - with extra coaching for remedial or gifted kids as needed,
- teach them to cook, sew, change a car tyre, basic carpentry and fixing skills, sex education, financial education, etiquette and manners, how to evaluate morals and ethics - all the skills needed for a successful life, but especially the things schools don't teach. If a child is old enough to ask a question, she/he is old enough to understand an answer. Never hide the realities of death, relationships and what's going on. Most kids can understand far more than we realise. Educators have recently discovered that young kids can understand quantum physics far more easily than adults (!) ; their minds haven't been pre-conditioned with Newtonian ideas of how the world works.
- be willing to accept , admit and make amends for one's own mistakes
- prevent racism, sexism, classism, ageism and able-ism by demonstrating an open heart and mind in relationships with others and reactions to news, media, cultural representations and events witnessed
- let them learn the basic precepts and beliefs of all the world's major religions and styles of belief
- if you feel it's your duty to teach them your religion, at least give them their own choice when they come of age
- full support in the family home until the kid has acquired sufficient training or tertiary education (of their choice) to enter their first full time job and become financially independent. Animals teach their offspring how to survive so how is it so many of us don't realise this is a vital part of our job?
After they reach adulthood (18-26 depending on the individual's maturity and ableness)
- if they remain living in the house, expect them to contribute an equal portion to the mortgage or rent, to energy and maintenance bills, and do an equal amount of housework and cooking. Give them their independence it terms of a room, personal space and privacy, rights to relationships with whom they choose, etc.
- let go and cease parenting after they reach adult independence
- but be there to help if they have an emergency or crisis
- be a friend and confidant, but do not give advice unless they ask for it
Sorry, I know it's too long - but for me that's what all kids really need to become adults capable of successful relationships, good citizenship, and a balanced and healthy self-care.
We're all fallible, so none of us is capable of getting it 100% right.
Hopefully, one day, when our kids are mature enough, they will forgive us our mistakes.
The following is only an ideal - but I believe it's what we should all be striving to achieve:
- breast feeding for anywhere between a year and five years,
but if this is not possible, holding the infant while it sucks the bottle.
- listens with empathy, accepts, mirrors and names emotions,
- attention, cuddles and affection,
- clear and honest non-verbal and verbal communication,
- learning boundaries through respect for their "no" whenever possible
and through quiet but firm insistence on our "no" for our boundaries or to protect pets and others and themselves.
- never expect a young child to understand a command like, "don't go out on the street". They don't yet have the neurological development to inhibit an impulse; under 8, if they're outdoors or near the pool, be there close enough to intervene if necessary, and keep an eye on them. Don't let yourself get distracted.
- no verbal abuse, no violence, no abandonment or neglect,
- parents consistently model the behaviours and modes of speech they want their children to develop
- clear age-appropriate rules with relevant and consistent consequences for breaches,
negotiated and agreed when they're old enough
- start encouraging help with tasks form the age of two (as play)
- from 5 (dexterity) give them actual tasks to help with, increase as appropriate to age
- consistent healthy diet (fresh whole foods prepared at home),
- exercise in the forms of physical and mental play, creativity and discovery,
- good hygiene and cleanliness without obsession,
- warmth, shelter and adequate and well fitting clothing, esp shoes,
- vaccinations plus appropriate medical care and 6-monthly dental checks,
- opportunities to make friends with other kids face to face (online limited to max 2 hrs per day)
- environmental enrichment with music, books, pets, and hobbies,
- encouragement with education - with extra coaching for remedial or gifted kids as needed,
- teach them to cook, sew, change a car tyre, basic carpentry and fixing skills, sex education, financial education, etiquette and manners, how to evaluate morals and ethics - all the skills needed for a successful life, but especially the things schools don't teach. If a child is old enough to ask a question, she/he is old enough to understand an answer. Never hide the realities of death, relationships and what's going on. Most kids can understand far more than we realise. Educators have recently discovered that young kids can understand quantum physics far more easily than adults (!) ; their minds haven't been pre-conditioned with Newtonian ideas of how the world works.
- be willing to accept , admit and make amends for one's own mistakes
- prevent racism, sexism, classism, ageism and able-ism by demonstrating an open heart and mind in relationships with others and reactions to news, media, cultural representations and events witnessed
- let them learn the basic precepts and beliefs of all the world's major religions and styles of belief
- if you feel it's your duty to teach them your religion, at least give them their own choice when they come of age
- full support in the family home until the kid has acquired sufficient training or tertiary education (of their choice) to enter their first full time job and become financially independent. Animals teach their offspring how to survive so how is it so many of us don't realise this is a vital part of our job?
After they reach adulthood (18-26 depending on the individual's maturity and ableness)
- if they remain living in the house, expect them to contribute an equal portion to the mortgage or rent, to energy and maintenance bills, and do an equal amount of housework and cooking. Give them their independence it terms of a room, personal space and privacy, rights to relationships with whom they choose, etc.
- let go and cease parenting after they reach adult independence
- but be there to help if they have an emergency or crisis
- be a friend and confidant, but do not give advice unless they ask for it
Sorry, I know it's too long - but for me that's what all kids really need to become adults capable of successful relationships, good citizenship, and a balanced and healthy self-care.
BlueVeins · 22-25
Children deserve to grow up in a society which affords them a degree of independent mobility through alternative transportation options. Children deserve to have their dependence on adults viewed as a vulnerability to be respected and cared for, not as a tool for coercion and subserviance; their choices should be respected insofar as they don't contradict with their own best interests and the needs of the greater social unit. Children deserve the opportunity to explore the world for themselves, and the knowledge of the dangers they face from the ravages of nature and from predatory megalomaniacs.
cherokeepatti · 61-69, F
SW-User
Safety and protection and knowing they are wanted. Proper clothing and nutrition and education. Understandlng and knowing they can talk to their parents about anything and be treated with respect and listened to . Education and not just the basics the school system teaches. Emotional support. Knowing they are loved and accepted for who they are. Etc....
Heavenlywarrior · 36-40, M
Rilyn · 31-35, F
Security, Stability and Understanding. Besides of course affection and bonding.
Thodsis · 51-55, M
A hood.
It might be a neighbourhood or a fur-lined hood.
As long as it keeps things warm.
It might be a neighbourhood or a fur-lined hood.
As long as it keeps things warm.
Roundandroundwego · 61-69
A functional welfare state.
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
Clear guidance
Starcrossed · 41-45, F
Respect
Bang5luts · M
Encouragement, stability, understanding, acceptance and a gokart ffs!