The armchair psychologist doesn't ask questions, they declare answers
Forget the messy nuance of real life, years of therapy, or actual brain chemistry.
Your sister is always late? Clearly a textbook case of passive-aggressive self-sabotage rooted in her sibling rivalry with you.
Source: An anonymous TikTok comment I saw last week.
Your boss micromanages? Oh, that's just a classic demonstration of their unresolved abandonment issues manifesting as a need for control.
Source: A plotline from a 90s sitcom.
You're tired? You're exhibiting classic symptoms of high-functioning emotional dysregulation brought on by the capitalist imperative to perform. You should try mindfulness... or maybe just a nap. I haven't decided yet.
They'll deliver their final, damning assessment with the gravitas of a seasoned professional who has, in fact, spent zero hours counseling and merely one hour scrolling through Reddit threads about codependency.
When they leave the conversation, having bestowed their wisdom, they genuinely believe they've just cracked the human condition. The only thing they've truly succeeded in doing, however, is reminding everyone that some things are best left to people who have to pay for malpractice insurance.
Next week on "Psychology for people who don't read books" We explore why your choice of coffee mug reveals your attachment style 😘
Your sister is always late? Clearly a textbook case of passive-aggressive self-sabotage rooted in her sibling rivalry with you.
Source: An anonymous TikTok comment I saw last week.
Your boss micromanages? Oh, that's just a classic demonstration of their unresolved abandonment issues manifesting as a need for control.
Source: A plotline from a 90s sitcom.
You're tired? You're exhibiting classic symptoms of high-functioning emotional dysregulation brought on by the capitalist imperative to perform. You should try mindfulness... or maybe just a nap. I haven't decided yet.
They'll deliver their final, damning assessment with the gravitas of a seasoned professional who has, in fact, spent zero hours counseling and merely one hour scrolling through Reddit threads about codependency.
When they leave the conversation, having bestowed their wisdom, they genuinely believe they've just cracked the human condition. The only thing they've truly succeeded in doing, however, is reminding everyone that some things are best left to people who have to pay for malpractice insurance.
Next week on "Psychology for people who don't read books" We explore why your choice of coffee mug reveals your attachment style 😘
