Frustrated and tired

Lately i feel like im on autopilot. I dont know why i do the things i do i just do them bc its what im told and what i know. Ive failed in everything, and ill have a mediocre life if i dont do something. Ive wasted so much time on things and people that turned out to not be worth it. Now im crying and for a second i didnt know why. But my soul is sad, im not happy. And from time to time i cry out of frustration with life. Part of me just wants to give in and stop trying. Just do what ever the hell i want. Do what fills the sadness in my soul...but another part of me knows that happiness isnt external and doing those things i feel like is only a temporary solution. Im just sad. My life isnt how i want it to be but im too scared to do anything about it. And my mom will never understand. Right now im thinking about how i have to get up tomorrow and do it all again. Im physically and emotionally tied. I dont want to do this anymore. I dont want to do anything.