One day you wake up and nobody cares about you anymore.

There's no one to ask for help. Not a kind word waiting for you.

I've never felt so alone and afraid. I had always been able to muster up the energy and hustle some money to make us feel safe. To keep us going. Now I'm lost.

I did the right thing for others, but not for myself. It's disappointing. I wanted to believe the kindness and love I put out would create good energy and make it's way back around. But that was mumbo jumbo.

I've reached the point of needing help, now that there is none. Now that I pushed away the people that offered before, believing I had to do it all myself.

What have I done?

Why am I such a shit show?

I really tried but I am more naive than I ever could of known.

I am a complete failure at the parts of life requiring and revolving around money. I've worked my fingers to the bone and have nothing to show for it. The world and my predecessors make choices that just make everything harder for regular people. It's like there's no way out.

I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. But I'm reaching the end of my rope. I feel punished for being honest and trying to make it on my own.

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Boeing · 36-40

I've worked my fingers to the bone and have nothing to show for it. The world and my predecessors make choices that just make everything harder for regular people.

an observer to your sharing , and a loving sister, I would say, here lies the key to your evolution.

Rephrase this writing(contract). Change the narrative of the words. Play with it.
You indeed have worked your fingers to the bone. You have to show for it, a childlike heart, an open mind, a loving son, magical hands that have a healthy and good connection to your heart, the creative within you is much still alive, your body is full of vital energy -even if for the moment might need rest- your eyes are clear with the clearance only love can bring.
The world let it be itself, let everyone be themselves, and you be yourself! That is what you need, to be more of yourself. You are a healer, a shaman, an artist. Try to work your way around those.
Stop looking at the world, it is confusing you. Focus on yourself.

Learn from the world. Be humble to accept some help. Find a job 2-3 times a week and not more and work the rest, work to build something of your own. Make a plan. Begin small.

I risk to be considered inconsiderate, I don't know if these are what you need, or if it is that you need to be left fully alone to realise that you can, and also that you don't have to.
But I think you have already realized these, and that's why I am bothering to write and talk to you.

Why don't you focus on creating and building around a healing modality of your choice and then move with that, move from there?

Also, you need to work with affirmations. Your words reflect your truth and I am very Very respectful of that and yet, you cannot perpetuate the same narrative and wait for different outcomes.

It's like there's no way out.

Cut the weed. Yes cut the weed. Get sovereign. Focus on some craft/healing modality, develop yourself and get a teacher's training out of some seminar - this is a middle way the world accepts. Get a job no more than 3 days a week to support your sanity. Work on affirmations every day.

I love you <3

ScreamingFox · 41-45, F

@Boeing I love you too 🖤 you are right and there is so much work to be done. I'm just speechless and so sad right now.

Boeing · 36-40

@ScreamingFox thank you🌹
rest, first thing, you are perfect as you are and you know that. No need to go anywhere and be anyone else, no need to do, to fix, to change. What you want is right here, right now. You have all that you need over there with you.
Second thing, if you think things aren't changing they are, I perceive the shift in you, reading your stories.
Speechless might not be pleasant but might be what is needed as a steppingstone for the next thing, where you are meant to go.
I'm so sorry it is happening like that now. But you know what I see and I know? It is not that you can do it, it is that you are actually doing it, but you aren't seeing it yet but I see it. And when you relax and take some distance soon you will too see it.
Don't get into that despair energy, it's a trap, and you are only getting there because you're strong and you're daring to move out of that gravitational force. It is not that the system is corrupt and we are escaping the matrix story, I am not as much of that narrative as of, simple movement: for a star to choose its own place, to move and leave the orbits, it takes big amounts of energy.

Rest, you need energy. Eat more warm water and bananas :) I am sending you love.