What do you think about yourself? how do you describe yourself?

@Fairydust i'm glad you are happy :)

@popmol

And your answer to your own question?

@Fairydust a constant struggle between 2 places.

@popmol
Yeah life can be a struggle, I think it’s more normal than you think.

@Fairydust well the 2 places is to each part of my life. imagine for everything in your life you are fighting with yourself, loving people, loving yourself, seeing peoples good, joy, anger.
absolutely everything.
imagine 2 opposing factions in one body.

they can't even agree on what i should have said to you originally but now they have different answers

@popmol
I think we all do, it’s getting a happy balance.

@Fairydust in my case its not as balance is not desired by either side. if i'm balanced i'm depressed, if i'm one side i'm depressed due to other side and same for the reverse.

if one part wants to be happy but doesn't think theres something wrong and you might not deserve it while the other want you to be miserable but doesn't think theres anything wrong with you and you deserve happiness!
it just doesn't mix.

@popmol

Hard to understand, do you over think it a lot?

@Fairydust definitely, but i'll give another example, a simple one. part of me is -1 and part of me is +1 but even if compromised and combined i'm stuck at 0 with nothing.

also another way i'd describe myself a desperate and loving puppydog with no one to love!

@popmol

I’m sorry, we can get stuck in a habit of negative thoughts.
Have you tried therapy?

@Fairydust if those helped i'd be the most healthy person ever, i tried 2 kinds of antidepressants, now on number 3. some antipsychotics that rid the voices out of my head that i wish were back.
went to 3 therapists, 5 psychologist and 2 psychiatrists over a period of 12 years old til now at 24, so half my life.

@popmol

I’m sorry 😞 that’s a lot to go through at such a young age.
Do you have an idea what brought it on?

@Fairydust bullied since young age by both parents students and teachers. combined with autism. generated self hatred, ate myself to this size by stresseating, memory all fucked up since the depression, can't study anymore, more than 2 events a week with a couple people and i'm completely mentally drained, a party with more than 10 people and i might get sick for a week.

i can't do much anymore.

@popmol
So sorry 😢 I hope you find your way and things turn around for you.

Turn a negative situation into a more positive one, don’t be so hard in yourself.
Being bullied by friends family isn’t a reflection of you. It’s their issues being projected onto you. I’ve had to learn that along the way, we can be blamed and take on the blame of others.

@Fairydust i do too! and i do not 🤔

and one part of me agrees and gets incredibly angry about my treatment and the other just wants it to be over and die. they'll never agree!

@popmol that’s on them not you, bullies pick on people that are more vulnerable.

The issues is them not you.

@Fairydust and it frustrates me that i don't understand why? if its such a stupid reason i think all people should just be gone or become perverted and all become disgusting fiends! not this half half way!

well still it would solve my issue if i wasn't here haha 🤣