I miss having penpals
When i was younger I used to collect secrets from strangers. I had a PO box and they would write to me and i would have the most amazing converations with them. I'd give advice/accept advice, encourage, fantasise with commiserate with, scheme with, laugh with, be angry with, flirt with, love with, and share my secrets with some of the most amazing people I never met.
It started when i volunteered at a charity to support people, then I was a penpal for prisoners and it spiraled from there. I was able to read what people wouldn't dare tell others, able to be a source of support when they had no one else, and I loved it. People fascinate and inspire me on so many different levels and I used to love getting the letters and not knowing what was going to be written in them, never knowing if they would scare me, move me, have me research information to help, make me laugh, even arouse me, I valued every single one as they were snippets of each of their thoughts and personalities.
I resent the person who made me stop replying and close the PO box, who threw all the letters away. Their lack of self esteem, their gaslighting, their lack of feeling was too much for me to fight back against when I was younger. But they can't hurt me now and there's nothing stopping me from starting again...except the cost of stamps...maybe I should set up an email account instead...
It started when i volunteered at a charity to support people, then I was a penpal for prisoners and it spiraled from there. I was able to read what people wouldn't dare tell others, able to be a source of support when they had no one else, and I loved it. People fascinate and inspire me on so many different levels and I used to love getting the letters and not knowing what was going to be written in them, never knowing if they would scare me, move me, have me research information to help, make me laugh, even arouse me, I valued every single one as they were snippets of each of their thoughts and personalities.
I resent the person who made me stop replying and close the PO box, who threw all the letters away. Their lack of self esteem, their gaslighting, their lack of feeling was too much for me to fight back against when I was younger. But they can't hurt me now and there's nothing stopping me from starting again...except the cost of stamps...maybe I should set up an email account instead...
41-45, F
