I Have Some Bad Childhood Memories
When I was about five years old, my mother physically abused me and I'm going to tell you exactly how I remember it.
It was late at night and I couldn't sleep. I walked into the living room where she was watching TV. She was immediately pissed off that I wasn't in bed. The setting was very dark, I can't recall any visual memories at the time, just where I was and what happened. She put her hands around my neck and made this guttural and frustrated noise through clenched teeth: "oowwwhh". I was shocked at my first and sudden introduction to physical violence. I remember not being able to control my breathing and panicking. It was over in just a second or two.
Fast forward a couple years. I am laying on the living room floor, stomach down, watching some prime time TV. My mother is behind me, rocking in the recliner with my baby sister, bottle in hand, trying to get her to go to sleep. I hear her sobbing. Then I hear cry, "Why won't you go to sleeeep!" I feel a tinge of fear inside me. I look back and I see her holding my baby sister by her neck so that the baby is hanging in the air. My mother makes that same guttural and frustrated noise. This time I am pissed. I get up and demand that she hand over my sister. I don't recall any negotiation, she just handed the baby over and I rocked her in the chair myself while my mom just watch, fuming. After a minute, when my baby sister stopped crying, my mother asked for the baby back. I could hear the suppressed anger in her voice and I thought she was calm enough for me to hand her over. Not the safest of moves, but I was starting to get upset and wanted to run off to my room again.
That's the last I can recall of that type of behavior. I am 27 years old now living on my own. My mother is still emotional volatile and highly clingy. Our interactions are mostly pleasant. I think of her as a good person who is mentally unwell. I am not sure if I am magnifying her physical abuse or diminishing it. This is the first time I have told anyone. I haven't even told a therapist. Not sure what to do. Not sure if I should cut off ties with her. Sure she's my mother, but why waste time on good moments with a person like that?
Do you agree, disagree or want to hear more?
If you have a background in Psych and can make some points/definitions...please.
It was late at night and I couldn't sleep. I walked into the living room where she was watching TV. She was immediately pissed off that I wasn't in bed. The setting was very dark, I can't recall any visual memories at the time, just where I was and what happened. She put her hands around my neck and made this guttural and frustrated noise through clenched teeth: "oowwwhh". I was shocked at my first and sudden introduction to physical violence. I remember not being able to control my breathing and panicking. It was over in just a second or two.
Fast forward a couple years. I am laying on the living room floor, stomach down, watching some prime time TV. My mother is behind me, rocking in the recliner with my baby sister, bottle in hand, trying to get her to go to sleep. I hear her sobbing. Then I hear cry, "Why won't you go to sleeeep!" I feel a tinge of fear inside me. I look back and I see her holding my baby sister by her neck so that the baby is hanging in the air. My mother makes that same guttural and frustrated noise. This time I am pissed. I get up and demand that she hand over my sister. I don't recall any negotiation, she just handed the baby over and I rocked her in the chair myself while my mom just watch, fuming. After a minute, when my baby sister stopped crying, my mother asked for the baby back. I could hear the suppressed anger in her voice and I thought she was calm enough for me to hand her over. Not the safest of moves, but I was starting to get upset and wanted to run off to my room again.
That's the last I can recall of that type of behavior. I am 27 years old now living on my own. My mother is still emotional volatile and highly clingy. Our interactions are mostly pleasant. I think of her as a good person who is mentally unwell. I am not sure if I am magnifying her physical abuse or diminishing it. This is the first time I have told anyone. I haven't even told a therapist. Not sure what to do. Not sure if I should cut off ties with her. Sure she's my mother, but why waste time on good moments with a person like that?
Do you agree, disagree or want to hear more?
If you have a background in Psych and can make some points/definitions...please.
31-35, M
