alone is just another phase i need to make my way through
Being alone is a temporary passage rather than a permanent destination, and treating it as a moving phase can help carry me forward… I hope..?
Me acknowledging these feelings isn’t always easy
I try to allow myself to sit within the quietness without judging it as good or bad. I try and keep up with a small routine of sorts. Just grinding my way through what should be small, simple, daily tasks like making my bed, taking a short walk, or drinking a glass of water every few hours. Things I intend as possibly able to give the day a gentle anchor or foundation of sorts…
That’s not always easy either…
I try to focus on the fact that everything is temporary and everything changes.
I try to remind myself daily that my feelings and seasons will shift, and that this quiet stretch will eventually give way to new connections and energy…
Sometimes it’s just a little bit harder to believe than it should be.
Today I just feel quiet and wishing there were a someone. I sense myself as being not quite sad but rather just simply alone.
A certain type of frustration goes with it. The type of frustration that is just annoying. The kind of thing that you know is there but you know you can’t really change it by a sheer force of will.
And so I just endure it and try and distract myself from it’s effects.
It will shift when it shifts, I suppose?
Aloneness… I guess the sooner I manage to accept it all, maybe the sooner that shift will come..?
Or maybe it won’t? But for now it just is and I am.
I do alright with it all for the most part. After all, I’m the common denominator in all of the everything’s that I’ve been through that brought me here.
I suppose it’s fine if this is where I was meant to be and remain?
I’ll still have that rag I call hope hanging around in my closet of insight and emotion. A garment no longer worth wearing but it remains on its hanger none the less as if someday it will fit again like that jacket I wore in high school..?
Wishing everyone peace of mind throughout their nights. Truly I do.
