I Love to Be Alone But Not For the Rest of My Life
I'm Only A Caretaker For Many, Not A Lover For One.... I enjoy my time alone for the majority. I like the mental stretching after being cooped up in others' time.
But don't mistake me for hating it. I love people and see it only fit to help them as much as possible, to be a caregiver. I like seeing a smile spread like jam on their faces. My joy in the prescense of others nurses from their joy. Something I love giving.
But with that being said, alone is my homeland. I can stay in my house alone for hours and clean willingly, eat, and do anything else I wanna do when the family retreats somewhere else. When they're here, I prefer being background and supportive only when needed. When I'm alone, I am truly happy and comfortable. But it gets lonesome. My thoughts can take over and ponder over certain things as to why I have not found someone who sees me as a lover.
Being young, I shouldn't be searching for one too suddenly. But I wonder will I always be the caregiver and the support? Will anyone look past it? I see couples everywhere... I like the thought of having someone of my own who I could specially care for.
I like the thought of traveling with someone, visiting foreign countries and learning new cultures. But will that ever happen? Or will I be Cinderalla forever?
I need more affection than most know. I like to hide from the deep emotional but secretly, I want someone to seek me. I'm not a beautiful person physically, have my many vices mentally, and like dry land, non-moving emotionally. But will someone smash through my crunchy top soil and receive my water deep below one day?
I want love.. I don't want the one-sided anymore. I want the honest stuff. I want to run in small lakes, skip flat bellied rocks, dance in long skirts, and live life... At least with someone here to enjoy it with sometimes...
But don't mistake me for hating it. I love people and see it only fit to help them as much as possible, to be a caregiver. I like seeing a smile spread like jam on their faces. My joy in the prescense of others nurses from their joy. Something I love giving.
But with that being said, alone is my homeland. I can stay in my house alone for hours and clean willingly, eat, and do anything else I wanna do when the family retreats somewhere else. When they're here, I prefer being background and supportive only when needed. When I'm alone, I am truly happy and comfortable. But it gets lonesome. My thoughts can take over and ponder over certain things as to why I have not found someone who sees me as a lover.
Being young, I shouldn't be searching for one too suddenly. But I wonder will I always be the caregiver and the support? Will anyone look past it? I see couples everywhere... I like the thought of having someone of my own who I could specially care for.
I like the thought of traveling with someone, visiting foreign countries and learning new cultures. But will that ever happen? Or will I be Cinderalla forever?
I need more affection than most know. I like to hide from the deep emotional but secretly, I want someone to seek me. I'm not a beautiful person physically, have my many vices mentally, and like dry land, non-moving emotionally. But will someone smash through my crunchy top soil and receive my water deep below one day?
I want love.. I don't want the one-sided anymore. I want the honest stuff. I want to run in small lakes, skip flat bellied rocks, dance in long skirts, and live life... At least with someone here to enjoy it with sometimes...
22-25, F