I Am Alone

My family and friends are with me and I know this. They say God will never leave you, and I know this. I've felt Him literally pick me up from the deepest corners of my mind, pulling me from my depressive state every time I am about to take my own life. But then again, it is so depressingly tiring to know that your battle is yours alone to face; that no one else can fight it with you. It would be a relief to have someone to bring me up and help me through. But that isn't the case. No matter what I do to keep moving, the pain of my past keeps punching me back. I crawl and there it is again, pinning me to the ground. Just when I feel it loosening its grip on me, I begin to get back up and like that digital sensors that never seem to fail, it knows that it is time to keep me fallen. I am such a mess but it never shows. I am in deep sadness and alone, yet rationality still controls me. I still can't bring myself to do stupid things, if only to feel, even if temporary, love.