What I realized

I started a podcast a few weeks ago. When I edited each episode, I noticed something weird about the way I talk. I sound angry. At one point, I’d said, “This is peaceful,” and when I played it back, it sounds nothing like I felt the way one would when saying that. I didn’t feel angry at all during the conversations or in what I was talking about. Not sure why I sounded that way.

But it clears up so much about moments I thought were weird; like when I’d tell a joke and my sister always reacted defensively, or when people thought I was judging them when I barely said anything judgy, etc.
It makes me so self-conscious now. I don’t know why I sound like this. Especially since I don’t sound angry when I’m talking with my best friend (another one of my sisters). Maybe because I only feel safe expressing myself genuinely with her (not that I don’t express myself genuinely with other people; I just brace for negative reactions with everyone else—)

That must be it. I’m tense with everyone else, and that’s what it sounds like. It translates to anger to the ear. And they react to how I sound, which makes me more tense. 😂
I’m causing a problem and don’t know how to chill out. I have to learn to stop being judgy (because it is judgy if I immediately expect blowback from any little thing I ever say. Everyone isn’t some kind of enemy). Glad this all sorted out in my mind. 😵‍💫