She'll never know how I punched my head for her... How I sliced my legs and arms up until fat was visible

Ummm,she doesn't seem to be doing you much good,so far

You never know on this site of people are being serious or not.
If what you're saying is true please get some help.

I mean this in the nicest way, but it sounds like you need some time to focus on yourself, perhaps in therapy, before committing to another person.
I wish you all the best and hope you heal 🙏

Time for the shrink ward