How do secrets and your secrets affect you?
I've been experiencing a degradation in my memory and general thought functions. At first I thought it was just age related. I've also been experiencing other physical symptoms. Leg cramps, E.D., low testosterone, etc... I now think it is due to a secret. I've seen this before.
My first wife suppressed memories of her sexual abuse by her older brother from when she was six to until she was twelve and a couple years after we were married it came out after a miscarriage as a complete breakdown. The revelation was a total surprise to me. In her case it lead to psychosis for which she has to take medications. It also eventually led to my being a single parent. She and I stayed in limited contact.
In another case I'm sure that most of you know of the alcoholic girl that I was trying to help but she kept secretly drinking. She's up in Fargo with her brother now and is approaching bottom. She'll probably die.
In my MUFON investigations I often hear people tell me that they feel so much better after telling me of their experiences with UFOs because nobody else will listen to them.
Personally, I have had to keep things secret and been affected by secrets. Some big, some small. It finally dawned on me that one is likely the root cause of many of my ailments.
Just like the sudden layoff at age 64 pushed me into early retirement. My feet and knees suddenly could not support me. I was virtually crippled. A year later I learned that the reason that a group of us had been layed off was because the group in Florida felt threatened by our successes in Minnesota. Eventually the company failed. With the help of potassium supplements my legs recovered.
I still have a personal secret that I suspect is killing me and affecting someone else but it is protecting the lives of a lot of other people so I have no choice but to take it to my grave. Maybe i should hire a psychologist. He'd have the makings for a pretty good book.
Here's a more clinical discussion of the subject.
What Keeping Secrets Does To Your Brain
By Christine Comaford in Forbes Magazine [2020],
... 97% of people have one or more secrets at any given time. But most common is 13 secrets per person… whoa! Secrets included workplace secrets like pending terminations or promotions, personal life secrets like surprise parties, dark or controversial family secrets, you name it. And secrets have different categories, including simple preferences (maybe you really don’t like your mother-in-law’s casserole but pretend you do) to full-out breaches of trust, like infidelity or even embezzlement.
Damages your well-being –The energy it takes to resist, to self-censor, the rumination (the repetitive thinking about it), the anxiety and depression in anticipating what would happen when the secret would be revealed, all takes an enormous toll on us. Ones emotional resilience is reduced significantly and you become more irritable. You're not sleeping as well, so you was experiencing "REM rip-off", which negatively impacted your behavior further.
It damages your focus and decision-making – when you’re distracted by a secret you aren’t fully present. Then your cognitive biases will likely take over and you’ll have less behavioral choice. You may be telling yourself scary stories instead of being able to reframe what’s happening and how you feel. To make matters worse, you’re out of rapport with yourself, too.
Since you’re experiencing the opposite of being mindful, here’s what’s happening in your brain:
Your amygdala is on overdrive (irritability, quick to drop into fight/flight/freeze), your hippocampus is compromised due to the stress of excessive cortisol which then cause excessive cytokines, so learning, memory, and immune system are compromised, and last your pre-frontal cortex is likely offline a great deal since you’re in Critter State so your ability to communicate, collaborate, innovate–basically be your personal best–is down the tubes.
Chronic Stress & Cortisol: Constantly holding a secret triggers the amygdala (fear response) and releases cortisol, which can damage the hippocampus, affecting learning and memory.
Cognitive Load: The brain treats keeping a secret like a background app draining a battery. The constant monitoring to avoid slip-ups depletes mental energy, reducing your ability to focus, make decisions, and think creatively.
Emotional Strain: Secrets often lead to feelings of shame, anxiety, and loneliness. The burden can cause sleeplessness and, over time, a feeling of being inauthentic.
Physical Health Impact: The long-term stress of secrecy can lead to increased heart rate, elevated blood pressure, and a weaker immune system.
When Secrets Are Most Damaging
Secrets are most detrimental to well-being when they are frequently ruminated on (constantly thought about) rather than just being kept from others. If a secret is causing you immense stress, experts often advise that sharing it—or resolving it—can lessen the cognitive load and improve mental health.
When you reveal the secret it loses its power over you. Then you can brainstorm, get an unbiased perspective, no longer feel excluded from others.
My first wife suppressed memories of her sexual abuse by her older brother from when she was six to until she was twelve and a couple years after we were married it came out after a miscarriage as a complete breakdown. The revelation was a total surprise to me. In her case it lead to psychosis for which she has to take medications. It also eventually led to my being a single parent. She and I stayed in limited contact.
In another case I'm sure that most of you know of the alcoholic girl that I was trying to help but she kept secretly drinking. She's up in Fargo with her brother now and is approaching bottom. She'll probably die.
In my MUFON investigations I often hear people tell me that they feel so much better after telling me of their experiences with UFOs because nobody else will listen to them.
Personally, I have had to keep things secret and been affected by secrets. Some big, some small. It finally dawned on me that one is likely the root cause of many of my ailments.
Just like the sudden layoff at age 64 pushed me into early retirement. My feet and knees suddenly could not support me. I was virtually crippled. A year later I learned that the reason that a group of us had been layed off was because the group in Florida felt threatened by our successes in Minnesota. Eventually the company failed. With the help of potassium supplements my legs recovered.
I still have a personal secret that I suspect is killing me and affecting someone else but it is protecting the lives of a lot of other people so I have no choice but to take it to my grave. Maybe i should hire a psychologist. He'd have the makings for a pretty good book.
Here's a more clinical discussion of the subject.
What Keeping Secrets Does To Your Brain
By Christine Comaford in Forbes Magazine [2020],
... 97% of people have one or more secrets at any given time. But most common is 13 secrets per person… whoa! Secrets included workplace secrets like pending terminations or promotions, personal life secrets like surprise parties, dark or controversial family secrets, you name it. And secrets have different categories, including simple preferences (maybe you really don’t like your mother-in-law’s casserole but pretend you do) to full-out breaches of trust, like infidelity or even embezzlement.
Damages your well-being –The energy it takes to resist, to self-censor, the rumination (the repetitive thinking about it), the anxiety and depression in anticipating what would happen when the secret would be revealed, all takes an enormous toll on us. Ones emotional resilience is reduced significantly and you become more irritable. You're not sleeping as well, so you was experiencing "REM rip-off", which negatively impacted your behavior further.
It damages your focus and decision-making – when you’re distracted by a secret you aren’t fully present. Then your cognitive biases will likely take over and you’ll have less behavioral choice. You may be telling yourself scary stories instead of being able to reframe what’s happening and how you feel. To make matters worse, you’re out of rapport with yourself, too.
Since you’re experiencing the opposite of being mindful, here’s what’s happening in your brain:
Your amygdala is on overdrive (irritability, quick to drop into fight/flight/freeze), your hippocampus is compromised due to the stress of excessive cortisol which then cause excessive cytokines, so learning, memory, and immune system are compromised, and last your pre-frontal cortex is likely offline a great deal since you’re in Critter State so your ability to communicate, collaborate, innovate–basically be your personal best–is down the tubes.
Chronic Stress & Cortisol: Constantly holding a secret triggers the amygdala (fear response) and releases cortisol, which can damage the hippocampus, affecting learning and memory.
Cognitive Load: The brain treats keeping a secret like a background app draining a battery. The constant monitoring to avoid slip-ups depletes mental energy, reducing your ability to focus, make decisions, and think creatively.
Emotional Strain: Secrets often lead to feelings of shame, anxiety, and loneliness. The burden can cause sleeplessness and, over time, a feeling of being inauthentic.
Physical Health Impact: The long-term stress of secrecy can lead to increased heart rate, elevated blood pressure, and a weaker immune system.
When Secrets Are Most Damaging
Secrets are most detrimental to well-being when they are frequently ruminated on (constantly thought about) rather than just being kept from others. If a secret is causing you immense stress, experts often advise that sharing it—or resolving it—can lessen the cognitive load and improve mental health.
When you reveal the secret it loses its power over you. Then you can brainstorm, get an unbiased perspective, no longer feel excluded from others.
