Im getting tired yall

Im just sitting here and wondering wth to do...i honestly hate begging and i dont want to go around asking for help or an extra 20 dollars..

I been thinking since this morning maybe just maybe i can look for an overnight job. I CANT STAND to sit here and let the system dictate

and play with my emotions , play with my health . I always worked.. i always had money to fend for myself...

Having my special needs child has put me in uncomfortable situations where i had to ask for help and people have been nice enough to help

but after awhile you can tell people get tired.. they may look at me wierd and judge me .. I hate that

I remember when i first moved to my apartment , i went next door to my neighbor and cried..

i needed money and i offered to give them extra when i get payed.. They said they would help..

they never did.. oh man did my heart drop to my ass from the realization, i was so embarrased.. i would never do that again

Minnd you weeks later my neighbor needed someone to watch her special needs adult child and she offered me money

I told her i didnt want it and i couldn't help her.. An older woman at that.. it was like a smack to my face when she offered money like if she doesn't remember the conversation we had before.. she told me i could go to her if anything , im not a bad person but that situation opened my eyes and i just mind my business from now on..

I knew i got to get out of this situation, i knew i needed to make a plan so this wont ever happen again..