I can't keep trying with people who don't try back.

In some twisted way I'm addicted to unavailability. I think it goes back to my childhood and needing to earn love and approval. I still act out the insecurity, even though I don't believe in it at all, even though I know better.

I've lost people who did care, I push them away or keep them at a distance. I fear I will lose them or not being enough, because I overestimate people's need of me, because all I've known is conditional love.

I need healthy friendships and relationships, I need secure attachments. It's not my nature to be detached. I know for certain my desires for love, community and sharing are not trauma based, but healthy human needs. The fact that someone ever made me feel otherwise is sick and not my fault.

Yet it's still my hurdle to jump. And I will 🖤