When I was traveling and free I understood the immensity of my courage and capability.

When I came back to "normal" life, I couldn't reintegrate. I had to force myself to become numb to the inescapable dullness of the tame, dispiriting and demoralizing existence that is expected of me. I got back with a guy that treated me good sometimes, poorly most of the time. Part of me hated that I needed him, but I didn't know what else to do. At the time I couldn't handle the loneliness anymore. I'd been on the road raising my child for some time and I needed lovin. I got a dumb job because I have to make money. A job that most days feels like abuse for doing my best.

I have been deeply miserable for years. Probably since my parents died. 35 with a little kid and literal nobody. When I sold everything and bought a van I was so scared. But so determined to find another way. It wasn't sustainable but I believe there's a compromise with most things.

After all that's happened, all I've done and seen and revisited, after healing a broken house and a broken heart, I'm ready to find my way. My compromise. I'll always be cracked, but I think the normal life and the predictable relationships keep us caged in our own dreams when so much is possible. Even if it's not the awesome thing we wanted it to be, it's still cool and we're still capable and brave and beautiful.