Oh God. She's alive?
Hello my dears--the few that might remember me and anyone I may meet now. I hope you all have been well. Taking care. Drinking those fluids, eating when you can, and remembering that self care.
Checking in after months and months. Making sure everyone is good.
Update: Things here have been INSANE. A LOT of mental health issues-- including meeting two other alters because they were recorded and witnessed. I have three alters so far. My psychiatrist explained dissociative identy disorder. My personality is basically fractured and these fractures take a personality of their own. My brain unplugs and a personality basically hijacks my body. I do things I don't know I'm doing. Go places I don't know where I go. And one of them-- is so extremely violent when there's a threat... Alongside that? I'm still dealing with the effects of Borderline Personality and showing signs all four types. I'm not manipulative, but I do have a lot of the other signs... My push and pull behaviour is intense when there's real or perceived abandonment. Still dealing with Major Depressive Disorder with Psychotic features... After careful study, schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder were ruled out because I'm too high functioning on my good days. I still hear the voices, the commands, still see things that aren't there. Still have the delusional episodes where I can't tell what's real from what isn't for hours... Still fighting panic disorder and still working on the PTSD. My Agoraphobia, however? Taking my psychiatrist's advice and slowly desensitizing myself to the outside. Baby steps. Happy to report, however, that I've not had a drink of alcohol in 10 months. I've not touched heroin and fentanyl in 7 years. (August 7th). I'm working harder on the self harm. Trying to get that completely under control, but it's been a month. Still got the family drama, however-- but I have a new roommate and she's kickass, so that helps lol
Physical healthwise? Finally got a doctor's appointment. She wanted to see me no longer than 6 weeks. Was supposed to see her June 25th and got pushed back a few times. Now to December 6th. I need ultrasounds of my gallbladder and thyroid (I have something on the thyroid they're monitoring. My mother had thyroid cancer. So they're being cautious), I need to figure out what's going on with my blood (My body isn't using the iron. It's finally borderline normal but the saturation is back to a 6% and the hemoglobin was lower. I've had low oxygen saturation and spells because of it. My RBC and WBC were low. The RBC dropped super fast from the PV blood cancer scare. The platelets were stupid high. She's questioning aplastic anemia. She said the platelets could be high because the iron level changed and there were other changes. They could drop too and if they do? It points right to it. Aside from that? The usual vertigo, migraines and unintentionally throwing up everything I eat whenever I eat.(Thank God for Zofran) (Why she wants to look at my gallbladder)
NOW. FOR THE BUNNO CONTENT THOSE OF YOU WHO KNOW, LOVE:
Sage is still alive. December 14th makes 3 years. He'll be about three and a half. He's had a few health scares and he's had to go to the vet ER for a respiratory condition, but he's okay now. The first time, he got sick from eating a flower, but the online vet that did a conference with me said daisies aren't toxic. Wild rabbits eat them. It upset his stomach because he wasn't used to foraging and eating wild things. The reason he wasn't eating, however, was because he was lonely. I hadn't been spending time with him lately because I was depressed and wasn't getting out of bed except to feed them. He's bonded with me and rabbits get depressed when their humans leave them alone for too long. As I started spending more time out with him, he perked up. Started to binky again and lick me. He's a happy, hoppy boi who loves to carry grapes around in his mouth to show them off.
Phoenix is alive still too. She has discovered a new hatred for her ramp in her hutch. No matter how many times I fix it, she takes it back down. She's started blocking the entrance to her hidey hole too. The hole she'd go in to get to the little room I call her bedroom. She's spending all her time out in the main part of the hutch and no longer minds being petted. I'm slowly working on getting her ready to come out of her hutch. She still fights like hell when I try to pick her up so I can clean the hutch, but sometimes I gotta do what I got to do so she has a clean home. It's odd she's like this. She used to LOVE being held as a baby and licked me all the time. Now? She doesn't want to be held. She tolerates pets now but that took A WHILE. Something happened. I was told lion heads (she's a double mane) can be a difficult breed. They get stubborn and such. But I also heard they were one of the most affectionate. Not true. Lola was a CUNextTuesday and Phoenix isn't a cuddly type either. She's not mean like Lola, but she's very much not a people person.
I hope you all have a wonderful day/night. That you sleep well and dream sweetly-- and that you find reasons to make you smile. Lately, mine has been the rabbits, music (Sleep Token is still my favourite) and video games with a couple people (Mostly Dead By Daylight.) Feel free to show me or tell me about things that make you smile.
And, as always, wishing you the warmest and best.
-JadedJekyll (Who used to be SaccharinCyanide@gmail.com)
Checking in after months and months. Making sure everyone is good.
Update: Things here have been INSANE. A LOT of mental health issues-- including meeting two other alters because they were recorded and witnessed. I have three alters so far. My psychiatrist explained dissociative identy disorder. My personality is basically fractured and these fractures take a personality of their own. My brain unplugs and a personality basically hijacks my body. I do things I don't know I'm doing. Go places I don't know where I go. And one of them-- is so extremely violent when there's a threat... Alongside that? I'm still dealing with the effects of Borderline Personality and showing signs all four types. I'm not manipulative, but I do have a lot of the other signs... My push and pull behaviour is intense when there's real or perceived abandonment. Still dealing with Major Depressive Disorder with Psychotic features... After careful study, schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder were ruled out because I'm too high functioning on my good days. I still hear the voices, the commands, still see things that aren't there. Still have the delusional episodes where I can't tell what's real from what isn't for hours... Still fighting panic disorder and still working on the PTSD. My Agoraphobia, however? Taking my psychiatrist's advice and slowly desensitizing myself to the outside. Baby steps. Happy to report, however, that I've not had a drink of alcohol in 10 months. I've not touched heroin and fentanyl in 7 years. (August 7th). I'm working harder on the self harm. Trying to get that completely under control, but it's been a month. Still got the family drama, however-- but I have a new roommate and she's kickass, so that helps lol
Physical healthwise? Finally got a doctor's appointment. She wanted to see me no longer than 6 weeks. Was supposed to see her June 25th and got pushed back a few times. Now to December 6th. I need ultrasounds of my gallbladder and thyroid (I have something on the thyroid they're monitoring. My mother had thyroid cancer. So they're being cautious), I need to figure out what's going on with my blood (My body isn't using the iron. It's finally borderline normal but the saturation is back to a 6% and the hemoglobin was lower. I've had low oxygen saturation and spells because of it. My RBC and WBC were low. The RBC dropped super fast from the PV blood cancer scare. The platelets were stupid high. She's questioning aplastic anemia. She said the platelets could be high because the iron level changed and there were other changes. They could drop too and if they do? It points right to it. Aside from that? The usual vertigo, migraines and unintentionally throwing up everything I eat whenever I eat.(Thank God for Zofran) (Why she wants to look at my gallbladder)
NOW. FOR THE BUNNO CONTENT THOSE OF YOU WHO KNOW, LOVE:
Sage is still alive. December 14th makes 3 years. He'll be about three and a half. He's had a few health scares and he's had to go to the vet ER for a respiratory condition, but he's okay now. The first time, he got sick from eating a flower, but the online vet that did a conference with me said daisies aren't toxic. Wild rabbits eat them. It upset his stomach because he wasn't used to foraging and eating wild things. The reason he wasn't eating, however, was because he was lonely. I hadn't been spending time with him lately because I was depressed and wasn't getting out of bed except to feed them. He's bonded with me and rabbits get depressed when their humans leave them alone for too long. As I started spending more time out with him, he perked up. Started to binky again and lick me. He's a happy, hoppy boi who loves to carry grapes around in his mouth to show them off.
Phoenix is alive still too. She has discovered a new hatred for her ramp in her hutch. No matter how many times I fix it, she takes it back down. She's started blocking the entrance to her hidey hole too. The hole she'd go in to get to the little room I call her bedroom. She's spending all her time out in the main part of the hutch and no longer minds being petted. I'm slowly working on getting her ready to come out of her hutch. She still fights like hell when I try to pick her up so I can clean the hutch, but sometimes I gotta do what I got to do so she has a clean home. It's odd she's like this. She used to LOVE being held as a baby and licked me all the time. Now? She doesn't want to be held. She tolerates pets now but that took A WHILE. Something happened. I was told lion heads (she's a double mane) can be a difficult breed. They get stubborn and such. But I also heard they were one of the most affectionate. Not true. Lola was a CUNextTuesday and Phoenix isn't a cuddly type either. She's not mean like Lola, but she's very much not a people person.
I hope you all have a wonderful day/night. That you sleep well and dream sweetly-- and that you find reasons to make you smile. Lately, mine has been the rabbits, music (Sleep Token is still my favourite) and video games with a couple people (Mostly Dead By Daylight.) Feel free to show me or tell me about things that make you smile.
And, as always, wishing you the warmest and best.
-JadedJekyll (Who used to be SaccharinCyanide@gmail.com)
