Sometimes I don't know if I'm happy, or really good at getting through the unhappy.

A bit of both maybe but I don't like it. I think this signals change is needed sorely. I'm starting to become shy of the truly happy moments knowing the unhappy will be back. And that's just normal. I want to go with the flow a bit more. My current life doesn't facilitate that. And maybe it's just another rough patch that's pushing me on my way to the changes I need to make. Because you don't really know until you're through it. And nobody can really help me. There will be more pain. That is my life I think, when I look at it from outside myself.

Sigh. I will be glad when the ocean inside me settles. Every storm passes and I'm gonna make it. I'm not so much weary as I am ready to enjoy the ride. Nomad spirit. I am desperate for simplicity. Not easy. Simple 🖤

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LadyGrace ·

I heartily commend you for realizing that change is needed. That's the first step. I'm thankful that we can always change things up when things aren't working for us and in that way, when challenges come, they can be a blessing in that they make us aware that something in our lives needs to be changed in order for us to be happy. I believe you're smart enough to work through this. There are lots of self-help videos out there and books in the library. I have used them and they do work great. But then I also use prayer and turn to God in hard times. That is my main source for comfort, help, and guidance. My favorite verse is:

Isaiah 26:3, which states, "You will keep in perfect peace, those whose minds are stayed on Him, because they trust in you.". It essentially means that if you focus your mind on God and trust in him, you will experience inner peace.

Key points about the verse:
"Keeps his mind stayed on me": This signifies a constant focus and trust in God.
"Shall abide in peace": This refers to the state of inner tranquility that comes from relying on God.

We cannot have our minds on two things at once but as we focus on Christ, the cares of this world and troubles, do fade away. This has helped me many times. Jesus gives a peace that passes all understanding.

Pinkstarburst · 51-55, F

For those of us in constant ‘fight or flight’ mode, it’s so hard to maintain an emotional constant. We just do the best we can. 🫂

MarbleMarvel

@Pinkstarburst Yes we do 🖤 it's all we can do. And try to be around people who understand.

Pinkstarburst · 51-55, F

@MarbleMarvel Sometimes it’s the only thing keeping us sane. I’ve got your six my friend 🫂

MarbleMarvel

@Pinkstarburst back at ya

greensnacks · 31-35, F

I think you (and me) over think things. I too won't let myself fully embrace a feeling without making it logical, categorizing, letting it know it's place, not letting it take over and just.. feeling it. It stems from trauma in childhood (at least in my case) where I wasn't allowed to express how to feel things and I needed to adjust my feelings to the adults around me not get upset.
It's why when I'm drunk I'm like an emphasized me. If I show 30% sober, when I'm drunk I show 90%.
It's just that I don't drink anymore lol

being · 36-40, F

Yet I can feel through your words that somehow, somewhere, there's progress been made.. with every single one..

MarbleMarvel

@being I believe you are right lady. Something in me races on, but something has me tethered. Neither is wrong, yet in my heart I know I want to cut that tether. But I know once I do I better be strong enough. That's what this pain is and has been. I deserve another chance at happiness. I want to be a happy, strong mom.

Thank you for seeing me. I see you. I wonder about you sometimes but know you are okay 🖤

being · 36-40, F

@MarbleMarvel thank you too dear.. that was a nice message for me to receive now

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