I have a desire to physically abuse the female google maps voice

I need help changing the voice on google maps from female to male. Everything on the net is dated by a couple of years and I don't see those options, I would prefer a male voice.

My issue is, I stay in a minivan at night, and I like it, but in order to reach my best spots in the city I still need google maps to navigate. In order to leave Pittsburgh to the countryside I don't need it, but that's for the days off. Detours are constantly popping up, and accidents.

So I am at the point now, deapute living more peacefully than I ever have before, with next to no interaction with people other than store clerks at the register or boss calling up on a walkie talkie to do something, I am getting exceptionally agitated at google maps. If I sorta know the route but can't remember the whole way, and know it is 20 miles down a country road, I will play a science or philosophy podcast thinking I can listen to it in peace, as google maps is often quiet if I am just on a long straight road. But sometimes it goes haywire and starts screaming "keep going straight" and "don't turn, keep going straight" and I am on a straight paved road with a perpendicular gravel road I never would want to drive down- it's telling me not to, and I am like no shit sherlock. And it only announces this right when something important is being said in the podcast. Then it will do this some thirty more times to the point I haven't the slightest clue what the podcast was about, it just kept going.

It will sometimes talk nonstop on a straight country road, but then won't talk at all when I need it. Pittsburgh is a city of complex bridges with three rivers, and if you don't land a exit precisely you can end up on the wrong side of one of those rivers instead of Pittsburgh. It will not tell me what to do oftentimes, such as which lane, after telling me to turn, when I have to make a exit decision (sometimes 3 to 5 choices) within a couple dozen yards. It will select a route, where I enter a highway from another highway, I and on the far right, and have to be on the farthest left to instantly make a turn off, and the higheay is choked with traffic. Impossible to do- so I am traveling instead to a location called NOT PITTSBURGH. Not funny when I gotta get to work.

Or it will twll me to make a turn, and I make the turn, and it gives me that little beep that signals I did something wrong and make another turn.... and it sends me into a plaza, and makes that beep again about 10 times telling me to constantly turn.

Or it sends me down one way streets the wrong way. Or it sends me into very dangerous neighborhoods. Or it makes me drive through alleys up mountains taking weird zigzag routes. Or it tells me the route is 20 minutes but is actually a hour because of red lights and traffic. I have it set up so it doesn't send me on toll roads, permission is denied for it, but sometimes it insists I ABSOLUTELY MUST get on a toll road. And I can't, because I don't have that mailing address and it mails the toll fee to the mailing address, and I live in a van. So one time I had to stop and reverse for 20 mintutes down a country road away from a toll road, not knowing where I was going, going off the sun for direction, listening to the stupid female google maps voice constantly inform me to turn, make a loop, turn around, at every intersection on the way- because I had to go on the toll road, and then after driving forever it finally changed and gave me proper directions. It also likes to start giving me directions and then go silent and stop talking as I approach a complex intersection.

I've screamed at the phone a couple of times already to STFU. I have gotten the urge to pull over and kick the voice out of my van, telling it it can no longer ride with me. It's like I somehow materialized a wife in the final days of a marriage where we just hate each other. I have no memory of falling in love with her, no memory of intimacy- I just have anger and rage. I want to slap the voice.

And I have never desired to do this to a woman before. Not once. I taught my clueless godmother how to navigate by landmark and gps. I taught he how to look for tall buildings, look for the sun at times of the day fkr directions, and that water in the ohio valley always went downhill towards the Ohio River, so if very loss just follow the streams until the ravines get really deep and the roads take a sudden dip, and then you would end up in the river towns. Stuff like that. It took forever, she would get lost sometimes looking right at the GPS, and I would be forgiving but make her figure out hot to get out, coaching her. I showed alot of patience.

My samsung fold is too big to get a holder for, so I can't look at it when I navigate usually. It's voice only 99% of the time because Pittsburgh doesn't have the best drivers. I can't usually risk looking down and up again, because people just swerve. So it is voice only. It's on the default setting female voice because I can't figure out how to change it.

Outside of my female bosses and female fellow employees, this is the only female voice I interact with, and I am at the redrum stage with it.


It has me worried I am turning abusive. I absolutely do not ever want to date such a woman who gives such terrible driving directions and is such a horrible conversationalist. If it was a male voice I don't think it be as much a issue- I am not saying I wouldn't want to physically attack it just as much, but I wouldn't be going through pangs of worry about abusing women, because it would be me just wanting to kick some guys a's. I can live with that.

I knew on second life a guy who ran a non-duality discussion group, and after it one night he mentioned he was using the GPS, traveling from Kentucky to Ohio, and it lead him down this long country road for a hour, then told him to turn, and get on the ferry.... and it was the middle of the night, and there was no ferry, so he changed the voice to a man's voice so it wouldn't happen again.

That's where I am getting the idea from, but it is so I don't turn into a abusive raging man against women. Like I said, I have very little real contact with other people, this voice is sadly the bulk of it, and it is driving me into deep rages. I don't like that. I like my peaceful, quiet life.