Most people who complain about being alone or lonely are this way because they choose to be

They’ve had others show interest in them, but they always find an excuse to push them away. Because they know they’d have to actually work on themselves in order to have a connection or relationship with another person, and they’re afraid of what they might find out about their real self if they actually tried to do that. So they find it easier to accept the devil they already know, and find some excuse (too busy, too hurt by past trauma, too old, whatever) to push them away, and continue telling themselves that they will be forever alone and lonely because they are no good for anyone or don’t have time or whatever the excuse is.

We set the goals we wish to achieve for ourselves, even if they are not good for us. Even if they make us damage ourselves, or other people. It’s up to us to wake up and realize who is really at fault, and change it.

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Mirage · F

I think there is some truth to this. Although it's not black and white. Taking accountability and self awareness is always a good thing.

It made me think of this..

[media=https://instagram.com/C5OgJ3eycZA]

Plasticbag · 100+, M

Sometimes it’s hurtful when we offer love and people are unable to accept it..but people are complex. Could be a trauma response or even us..they don’t want our love. Whatever it is you have to let them work it out xx

TakeCare87 · 36-40, M

I don't dispute what your are saying but for many the damage begins in childhood. That's not something that's fixable because someone finds your outward appearance attractive or you somehow have similar views on certain topics. These are deep seated scars and a hot take on why people are alone, lonely and choose to be, isn't going to solve that issue.

Yes work is required but it would be required on the partner as well, for whom it may simply be too much. Most of the time our partners are not qualified to deal with childhood trauma, neglect or rape victims. It's not as simple as "do the work". Indeed you could simply dismiss it as the world does not owe you understanding, and that's fine, it is indeed up to the individual, however relationships are difficult enough for the well adjusted, how much more for the maladjusted!?

SW-User

@TakeCare87 Nobody said that life was fair, or easy. Nobody also said that we are bound by our past. Freud might have, but he is also wrong. That’s the main problem, the most popular approaches to psychology and therapy are based on Freudian psychology and the concept of etiology, the idea that our past defines our future, and that we must constantly relive our past traumas in order to get over them.

But, like most popularly peddled ideas, this is wrong. That’s the wrong kind of work to do. The only salvation lies in forgiveness and an acceptance of the past, knowing that it does not have to define us and living only in the present. Where we get to write our own future. This requires courage, and for some more than others. But, it is what it is. It requires the right tools, which are not found anywhere in Freud’s toolbox.

Have a go at Adlerian psychology and the comfort of teleology. There you will find your answers.

HootyTheNightOwl

I'm sorry, but I don't agree with this.

A four year old owlet didn't deserve to be left alone on the playground - children that young probably don't even understand trauma, autism, bullying etc... they just want to be included like everyone else.

Even in cases of people with autism... it's girls who are disproportionately left undiagnosed. Boys are easier to accurately diagnose. So these girls are left without the help that they need to navigate the effects of their condition.

There are also others who are only getting diagnosed as adults - and there's no real help for them to fit into your society.

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