I began sharing on my social media with a different attitude and intention this time

It's difficult. I'm trying to "Come Out"
To reveal my true self, to be Me the Real Me.
Ain't easy.
I'm reframing my words. I'm editing, cutting.
Thinking.
Sharing.
Oversharing.
I decided I'll just go ahead, share share share, whatever it is that I want to, and reflect later and see.

It's hard I'm telling you but I want to do it, I want to finally speak my truth and find my voice and practice... practice talking.

I've been hiding for Years. Afraid, people pleasing, trying to create an ambience, a mystery, scared of being called crazy or a witch or this or that. I still am. But now I'm a step ahead, admitting it, seeing it.

I don't want any more fakes, I want to be loved for who I am and if not, then to be left alone.
It almost seems as a mission impossible.

I have to be alert and to remind myself Every Single Day, multiple times a day, of what I want.
The automated systems are so strong within me still, my ego gets out at the moments I least expect to see her.
It's okay, I'm doing it. I'm going together with my ego.
I've been holding me back using my ego as an excuse. I was telling myself, I shouldn't step forward because I have this ego and that it'll grow larger. It will and we'll be together in this, to daily caring and taking the weeds out.

I was saying to myself that there's so much noise so I'd better not add to it. So let others speak but remain silent myself. I used to hold space for others to talk but when it was my time, I felt that I wasn't deserving the space.
Many times I've been silenced, it used to be so easy for people to tell me to shush.

I'm not mad. Maybe I'm writing straight whatever it is that I'm thinking and it appears a little aggressive, but I really am calm and steady. I'm just done with my previous attitudes.

It'll take me a while to see what I want and get clear. But I won't stop talking in order to reflect this time. I've been fucking reflecting my whole life it feels at this point. I'll just go on.
And from now on I'll be editing as I'm going and not waiting for the perfect edit.
I'll be making more mistakes and I might be irritating more people. It'll be okay.
I don't mean I'll be any less compassionate or respectful.
But I do mean, I'll stop considering what others may think. I'll be me and see what will this bring.