Heartbrokenness, sickness's hurricane and a whirlwind of emotions.
These past month a lot has happened.I went to visit my girlfriend and it ended devolving into the worse situation i have ever been left into.It ended in a bad break up.Then this week i have been battling a case of covid.The good news is that i'm on the mend.But i won't lie being sick in bed barely being able to move with just my thoughts really made the situation worse.
This whole month i have gone through a whirlwind of emotions going the full gambit of grief and heartbreak.Im trying to move forward but its definitely not easy.II do miss my ex even though i know she never even wants to hear my voice or see my face again.But i know i got to move forward even though she always has a part of me
A few weeks ago i was really low so i ended up calling the suicide prevention hotline.I wasn't suicidal but i was feeling so low, lost and just abandoned. They were able to help me get through the night. But it's a struggle. So much of the past 5 years have been built around this relationship.I feel lost and so confused since i lost the most important person to me.I can't even do somethings i love because they remind me of her.
I tried to focus on work which helps some what but whenever i got home i always fell apart.Its been a month since i had solid sleep without waking up either from either just not being able to stay asleep or waking from a nightmare that usually involves the situation or her in some way.
But this week things just worse.I got covid and was bed ridden on top of a hurricane hitting the state.My local wasn't heavily affected but still was terrible weather. I felt so weak and my throat felt like i swallowed razor blades and having unbelievable coughing fits.And within all of this i was still dealing with the mental anguish.The worse part was on friday night.I woke up from a dream where my ex was literally ripping the heart out of my chest temple of doom style.I wake up coughing in pain.In the moment it was like both pains coalesced into one.
Like i said im on the mend now with the covid.But i don't when i will be fully healed.Im trying my best.Even though many people have told me i should hate her i don't.I still love her.But i got to march forward.I don't know if i will ever be fully healed i will be carrying these scars with me.
Im sorry that this post is long and kinda long winded going all over the place.My mind is a jumbled mess.But to all that reached out recently thank you.
This whole month i have gone through a whirlwind of emotions going the full gambit of grief and heartbreak.Im trying to move forward but its definitely not easy.II do miss my ex even though i know she never even wants to hear my voice or see my face again.But i know i got to move forward even though she always has a part of me
A few weeks ago i was really low so i ended up calling the suicide prevention hotline.I wasn't suicidal but i was feeling so low, lost and just abandoned. They were able to help me get through the night. But it's a struggle. So much of the past 5 years have been built around this relationship.I feel lost and so confused since i lost the most important person to me.I can't even do somethings i love because they remind me of her.
I tried to focus on work which helps some what but whenever i got home i always fell apart.Its been a month since i had solid sleep without waking up either from either just not being able to stay asleep or waking from a nightmare that usually involves the situation or her in some way.
But this week things just worse.I got covid and was bed ridden on top of a hurricane hitting the state.My local wasn't heavily affected but still was terrible weather. I felt so weak and my throat felt like i swallowed razor blades and having unbelievable coughing fits.And within all of this i was still dealing with the mental anguish.The worse part was on friday night.I woke up from a dream where my ex was literally ripping the heart out of my chest temple of doom style.I wake up coughing in pain.In the moment it was like both pains coalesced into one.
Like i said im on the mend now with the covid.But i don't when i will be fully healed.Im trying my best.Even though many people have told me i should hate her i don't.I still love her.But i got to march forward.I don't know if i will ever be fully healed i will be carrying these scars with me.
Im sorry that this post is long and kinda long winded going all over the place.My mind is a jumbled mess.But to all that reached out recently thank you.
26-30, M
