I just don't have the energy.

My illness is consuming every ounce of my energy. Especially after the pandemic. I barely have any left to socialize, make connections, or even greet people I encounter on daily basis . Only recently, this has caused me to be so confused, even frustrated. My automated social rejection and withdrawal happens so quickly I didn't even have the time to think. Somehow, finally I've come to see how my body is protecting my pride by using all my energy to "appear" normal, and that's as far as I can go.
Deception is not sustainable, and it's finally started to take its heavy toll on me.