Understanding is not the equivalent of defending

I try to understand the "wrong" options or why someone chose to do it that way. People seem to mistake my "trying to understand where mistakes come from" with "defending for where mistakes come from." Understanding is not the same as defending.

When I talk about options or where a person's motivation may come from, it's because people fixate on the easy narrative and ignore all other possibilities. Knowing that there might be more than 1 way someone thought about doing something helps predict their future actions better. Focusing on only one possible cause leaves you with blind spots and a lot of room to become the villain yourself.

I wonder why practicing empathy and thinking about possibilities instead of binary terms is such a terrible crime these days.

Imagine if detectives would not try to get understanding of the criminal mind, it would make them very inefficient, no?
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EDIT
So thanks to Miram I realize I didn't talk about context. As he/she points out: " If someone is hurt, they will be defensive. Especially if they are trying to vent their feelings and you priority is explaining why the abuser hurt them". It's a context i can understand. But it also makes important that I point out this post is NOT about abuse in particular. It's meant for just about any situation where people feel wronged from boss being mean to them to parents being too strict, a friend not taking your side on an issue, the way politics or economy goes and so on. The wrong doer doesn't even have to be a person, it can be an institution or simply an event.
My phrasing might have suggested this post is about abuse in particular, and it's not (just) about that.
Hope I've set a better context for whomever bothers to read this far.
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Miram · 31-35, F

Context is everything. If someone is hurt, they will be defensive. Especially if they are trying to vent their feelings and you priority is explaining why the abuser hurt them.

You can "understand" and then "explain" when they are in different state. It'd be irrational to push your need to understand unto someone who isn't in place to join you.

kayoshin · 41-45, M

@Miram it makes perfect sense. I wish I was better at handling hurt people. Thank you!

Miram · 31-35, F

@kayoshin

I do get it though. Fixers want to understand. We fix, it is what we do. We want solid plans too not guesses. And we see things as divergent and therefore detailed and never simple.

It is mostly the other gender who automatically jumps into fixing and it comes from a good place. Sometimes though because we're extremely emotional, it is hard to see the motivation.

kayoshin · 41-45, M

@Miram in the context you set it makes a lot of sense and it's likely the most sensitive/difficult context. I did edit my post though to set the wider context I was thinking of when I wrote it. Hope you don't mind that I credited you for the help, showing me that it was missing.

ArishMell · 70-79, M

Very well put.

Sadly, this inability to see that "understand" does not mean "agree with" or "condone"", is all too common.

Worse, it is a weapon for those wanting only division and rancour, or who are afraid of possibly being wrong.

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kayoshin · 41-45, M

@ArishMell the most common problem I see is not making mistakes, but doubling down on mistakes and ignoring all other possibilities when it's easy to say "I hadn't thought of that way" or "perhaps I was wrong" especially when it's not down to hard truths (like a single solution mathematical statement).
It always makes me get some faith in people back when I see people like you willing to take a look at things from a point of view they hadn't thought of.

ArishMell · 70-79, M

@kayoshin Thank you for the compliment!

I am not sure what "doubling down" really means, but no-one likes being wrong and many people cannot take being shown to be wrong or to misunderstand a matter, especially when the mistake is some cherished, long-held but erroneous opinion.

kayoshin · 41-45, M

@ArishMell doubling down, comes from gambling betting on the same number/cards. In this context means reinforcing an idea at all cost even if you might already know it was wrong simply because you already stood by it once.