Ever asked yourself if there's another version of you out there?
I've been having a lot of moments over the last decade where I legitimately wondered if somewhere out in the cosmos there's another me living a life based on different decisions. Every now and then it crosses my mind. What decisions did that me do differently than me right here and right now?
Did that me not mess things up leading to a year of "what ifs" with his high school girlfriend only to end up getting let down in a rainstorm? Did that me get married to her? Have kids? Live the dream the way I pictured it? Or maybe that decision led to being let down even harder later on?
Did that me not fall for so many long distance relationships and just tried to focus on what was here and now? Did he make anything of himself with the things he was passionate for like art and writing or even music? Did he manage to become something he was proud of or just worked paycheck to paycheck in an effort to just get by and be so tired at the end of each day that he was happy that's the best he could pull off after years of burn out?
Did that me realize the goddess he messed up with was worth every second of his time rather than worrying about a long distance relationship that never developed? Did he get to find love again with her and learn that her love was the most accepting, sweet, loving and kind that he could have ever imagined? Or did he let her down more or maybe never even meet her?
I try not to focus on the what ifs as much as I used to but I'm in my head all day long and sometimes they bubble up to the surface. So many times I think things like this or wish I knew how to travel back in time just to see how something would play out differently. I guess it's like the old song says, "Regrets? I've had a few..."
Did that me not mess things up leading to a year of "what ifs" with his high school girlfriend only to end up getting let down in a rainstorm? Did that me get married to her? Have kids? Live the dream the way I pictured it? Or maybe that decision led to being let down even harder later on?
Did that me not fall for so many long distance relationships and just tried to focus on what was here and now? Did he make anything of himself with the things he was passionate for like art and writing or even music? Did he manage to become something he was proud of or just worked paycheck to paycheck in an effort to just get by and be so tired at the end of each day that he was happy that's the best he could pull off after years of burn out?
Did that me realize the goddess he messed up with was worth every second of his time rather than worrying about a long distance relationship that never developed? Did he get to find love again with her and learn that her love was the most accepting, sweet, loving and kind that he could have ever imagined? Or did he let her down more or maybe never even meet her?
I try not to focus on the what ifs as much as I used to but I'm in my head all day long and sometimes they bubble up to the surface. So many times I think things like this or wish I knew how to travel back in time just to see how something would play out differently. I guess it's like the old song says, "Regrets? I've had a few..."
46-50, M
