Talking to a friend I got since few years back, I allowed some kind of vulnerability and that allowed me to see myself in ways

I saw my fear of truly connecting to another heart because of the fear of loss. I am aware of it but it is different seeing it happening in interaction.

I have been keeping myself way too safe. I have made letting go the anthem of my personal island of self.
I am aware of that for sometime now too.

Then there is that saying about life being "a perfect balance between holding on and letting go"
I am trying to, hold on. But so many things get in between. It is not that I am failing, I am doing it, even if awkwardly and less graciously but like a true beginner.

But then there is this fear of not receiving reciprocation, or the opposite, of. actually not enjoying the connection and having invested, or being receiving a different type of energy other than what I put in, and all sorts of fears.
I begin to see fear more clearly though for what it is, an obstacle to a path.
In a wider sense it is any obstacle to any path.

But somewhat, I am scared by obtaining that distance in myself! How am I to navigate around this new paradox now? Perhaps that mere distance is that which is creating the fear.

ARGHR enough for a single night.
And pardon me for returning back to serious mode -.- gotta do what I gotta do - - -
And if you've reached all the way to the end of this, a heart for you 💚

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Mamapolo2016 · F

My lifelong philosophy about this is the same in the song “The Dance,” by Garth Brooks.

Assuming the person in question is not wearing a KKK hood or sexually abusing the waitress, but appears to be generally acceptable,

“Yes, my life is better left to chance.
I might have missed the pain,
But I’d’ve had to miss the dance.”

One doesn’t refuse an excellent job because five years from now they might get fired.

Agreeing to dance does not determine the length of a relationship. It just means you get to dance.

Breakups can be very painful, but to me, never dancing is more painful.

Boeing · 36-40

@Mamapolo2016 It is just that, the way I am moving in life, I am experiencing those breakups more than not, and as he is one of the few people I keep contact with, and I mean actual real contact of listening to each other deeply, it just felt that I put more energy into the relationship.
I told hime about it in a manner of very precisely chosen words to keep that delicate balance of expressing but not feeling too exposed and he said "we contact each other when we need something from one another" and I kind of felt not much held there, especially after going all the way to trying to express my self and my need.
Something similar occurred recently with another friend. I get the feeling that I am "too much" to them and I obviously do not want relationships that do not want me back with a similar passion. Then I know real life isn't all that perfect. But I can't help but feel not chosen.
I need to look forward but isn't it all that I'm doing.......
Thank you for your time writing to me, this was difficult to my heart today. It made me feel very little, like a small child being told something between the lines "I love you but I must go now" - I would think an adult handles these better but not now.
I need to go rest, I know tomorrow I am going to have a good day... So many nice things to do, people to share, and all.
This experience is an inspiration for me to be more of myself with more people. It's just, until I get it.

Softy1 · M

Not meaning it in bad way but having courage is when your scared and face your fears and act anyways. Be courageous.
Again I don’t know how you feel about this reply,but I am not trying to offend you!

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