I need help. I need it really badly.

But I don’t know what to do anymore. I ruin every connection I make because I’m afraid and I lash out. I don’t blame people for staying away from me. But I’m not that horrible, not enough to see every back turn.

Meds make it worse. I am way beyond positive affirmations and gratefulness. I know and love myself most days, but it’s like I’m being ripped in half. I want to be well, I am loving and understanding. But when I’m sad, because some days it happens with ptsd and still grieving, I piss everyone off. Also when I get my period it’s like I’m another person entirely.

I fight it so hard, but I’m just shit on my own. I believed having friends and family again would help, but I can’t make it happen. And it’s my own fault. But is it? I didn’t ask for the things that happened. I thought I was healing, but I think I’m just isolating myself because I don’t feel accepted as I am. My instability is surely something to run from. But it’s not who I am 💔

I’m stuck.