Asking
Only logged in members can reply and interact with the post.
Join SimilarWorlds for FREE »

What are some good ways to build confidence as an adult?

Specifically, how to stop assuming everyone is somehow better than you and has their stuff together more than you do, even if there is no basis for those thoughts?

I have definitely struggled with confidence issues since I was a teen and it is frustrating and disappointing for me that I'm nearly 30 now and still dealing with these issues, even if I've improved over the years. I also unfortunately come off unconfident according to others, and confidence is not something that is easy for me to fake, especially in the sort of cocky way a lot of people do (that is just completely unnatural feeling for me and I don't want to overdo it or act arrogant at all).

For those who can (or used to) relate, what have you done that has helped you get past this? I admittedly let stupid things people have said to/about me in my past still rent space in my head and am trying hard to not put stock into that, especially since most of it was completely untrue and came from unreliable sources, but it's quite a battle. I also unfortunately allow every dumb mistake or embarrassing thing I've said/done rent space in my head, though I know I need to accept that I've learned from it and am better now and move on. I also struggle with negative self talk and have for years, though I've started really getting onto myself about that recently. Is there anything you've found if you've struggled with these issues that has helped set you on the right track and away from these intrusive thoughts? I've been trying to "correct" them in my head, like by telling myself that I'm a human being that makes mistakes and that I've learned from them and do better now, so I don't need to beat myself up over them.

Thanks!
This page is a permanent link to the reply below and its nested replies. See all post replies »
Heartlander · 80-89, M
Another thought is that maybe you overtasked yourself as a kid, a teen; or maybe others, parents, teachers, etc., overtasked you to a point of failure when you couldn't keep the balls juggled and you may have lacked the skill to manage all that you were trying to carry.

So like someone could be in the school band, and playing on one of the sports teams, and in the school play, and belong to a church youth group, and ... and ...and. And be so loaded that they do none of them well and don't know how to untangle the overload, and they discover that by sitting in the back row, unnoticed, it will help them escape the expectations by others. And it works! Others stop expecting much and move their hopes and expectations to someone else. Then it sinks in, others are treated with hope and expectation while I sit in the back row being unnoticed.