I Cant Change the Past But I Can Change My Future

I've always felt like I was a pretty friendly person.

I'm outgoing. I love to love on people. I seem fairly open with myself and receptive to different types of people and ideas. This is how I feel I'm perceived anyway.

But that's not actually reality and I was reminded of this again yesterday.

At work, I've had higher level Corporate folks in town. Over the last couple of days, I've spent a lot of time with one of the Sr Exec ladies who I seem to get along with very well. We've gotten things accomplished, we've been productive, we've been silly and actually laughed until our sides hurt the entire time...so it went very well. Before she flew out yesterday afternoon, I took her out for Cajun food for lunch and ended up in a conversation I know all too well.

Over lunch, she said, "Can I admit something? Did you know that of everyone in all the DCs I'm visiting, you were the one I was looking forward to meeting the least?"

What? Me? That's bizarre. Why?

She said during all of our phone conversations, I come off as a little short, super reserved and very business. She said I've never been rude or unpleasant...but rather cold and blunt and to the point. Not that these things are bad things, she assured me. But she definitely wasn't looking forward to meeting me.
Then, to top it all off, when we were formally introduced on Monday, I went in for the handshake...which is what I do. But I guess paired with her preconceived notions about me, that just made me come off as more cold.

But...she said within 10 minutes of being there and seeing me interact with everyone, she had completely changed her mind about me. She couldn't believe I was the same person she'd been talking to over the phone for the past year.

This obviously has me a little bothered. Not just because of this incident, but because I hear this regularly from people after they get to know me. Initially in person I come off as cold and disinterested. And that's not really who I am.

I'm really just awkward at meeting people. And I don't like bad or mean people, so I'm trying to figure you out, even if on the phone. And I have insecurities too. I don't know if you're going to like me either. For being such an extrovert, I really suck at meeting new people.

But I don't want to come off as cold.

I've got to stop assuming that everyone has an agenda.
I'd rather my authentic friendliness shine through than all the other insecurities.
So I'm challenging myself to change this. :)

Starting today.

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SW-User

Kudos to her for saying something that was probably difficult for her to say. People are very scared to actually let others know how they make them feel, especially when it has negative undertones.

I think meeting people is one of the most awkward things ever, but I'm not an extrovert like you, I'm an ambivert. The only time I get the butterflies in my tummy is when I'm meeting people for the first time, especially in a professional atmosphere. You have no clue what kind of person they are and what they'll be bringing to the table until they're right there in your face. I try to be confident in those exchanges....I even initiate the handshake to try to break the ice and speak with a voice that is solid and clear while underneath the surface I'm being a dork to lighten the mood. Heaven help them if they ask "What is it that you do do?"

In a professional setting, I'm so off that I come across as the sweeter than jam. I try so hard to be relatable that my accent gets real and "Awww" becomes a part of my dictionary. People say I'm a breath of fresh air. When it's in a casual setting though, like at a get together and I'm meeting new people for the first time, that's when I've been told that I'm intimidating and hard to figure out. There's more of a wall there for some reason. It's the oddest thing ever when weeks down the road they tell me how they thought I was a complete bitch in the beginning, but then turned into someone they adore. I don't even know I'm being that way...but there it is.

I think our minds are just being overly cautious. It's taken past experience or even experiences that we conjured up and ensuring that we have the upper hand in the situations that we feel the most threatened in. I don't know. It's interesting as hell to still learn things about yourself though.