A reality that will never change

I really did not feel much sadness when my mother passed away... I was very surprised of how I acted like a cold robot. I cried so many times, but this is different than feeling sad...

It appears to me, that only now, the sadness is starting to settle in my heart... and only now I am realising that it is a reality that will never change..

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DoubleRings · 51-55, F

When my dad died I was like this. When mom passed (she went first) I was wreck. I think it’s based on how close we are to them and the impact they had on the family. My dad was very distant but my mom was a married single parent really. My dad made money and she parented. So when she died all of us were beside ourselves.

But dad was often difficult, not the fatherly type in fact I wonder if he really even [b]wanted[/b] to be a dad or if it was all my moms idea. Nonetheless when he passed the sadness came a little later. I think that’s pretty normal in the grief journey. Part of it is in my head too i think. A tendency to only remember and ruminate over the happy times. I feel a little guilty not grieving the same way for one as I did the other too.

Grief is complicated journey but there’s no wrong way to do it.