How do you get past a resentment that has no resolve?
This issue has been talked about, in depth, for years, and my mom and I still don't agree.
When my dad died he left the house to my sister (14) and me (11). My mom and dad were divorced when I was 7, so he cut her out.
My sister was already dabbling in my dads vodka before his death and soon after his death she got into pot, then pills and alcohol, then heroin and alcohol. Then all of them all together.
When I called the cops when she was out of her mind or violent, they said they couldn't do anything since "she owned the house". I was stuck. My mom argued and fought with my sister but in the end.... what can you do? "I own the house". I stayed in my room. I learned whose footsteps were whose. Put on a fan for white noise. It was harder once my sister had a baby.
So many more hardships after that, that was the beginning.
I put a re-finance on my credit, to keep the house. Anything my dad had left us money wise was spent by my mom, gambling. I watched my niece more often than not. Sometimes I didn't even know I was supposed to. She would wake up and I called for my sister, my mom, anyone, to change her. But no one was home.
At 24 ish I met someone online and decided I needed to get out of my situation.
Two things needed to happen first. 1, someone will want the house. 2, my sister agrees to sell.
By miracle, and I swear....miracle, both those things happened.
We lost our a** in value. My sister and I both got 10k in the end, the rest to taxes. I spent 5k on a loan I had for the house, and the rest for an apartment down payment and a few months rent.
I left the house with only what fit in my dodge neon and onto Kentucky. (2012)
It hurt so bad that things happened the way they did, that I didn't talk to my sister for 5 years. And only talked to my mom maybe twice. I felt so young, and that they betrayed me. I didn't have anyone else...I needed them...their advice....I felt so lonely.
In the five years we were apart......My moms new life was with my brother Paul (33) , and Mia, my sister's daughter (4) in Vegas. Why Vegas? My brother bought a "home" without seeing it. Yep. My brother (to be fair) is a jack of all trades. he has this way of just "making it work". Everyone usually just trusts him. So my mom trusted him to make it work with her and Mia.
Sadly, they were basically always broke. Paul did his best but there were issues with his license/tickets and it messed with getting jobs. So he did odd jobs. My mom had to walk a few miles to a bus stop and back to get Mia to school twice a day. Sometimes the utilities went off and sometimes they heard gunshots. Plus both of their gambling addiction.
I didn't know how bad it was until my mom said that they were sleeping in the van that night and I told her to come here to Kentucky. So my mom and Mia came here in March 2018.
Paul went to California for a contractor. Worked for a while but it wasn't stable. then he just lived homeless on the beach and surfed for a bit but moved here a few months later.
Recap of between 2018 to 2022 - My (clean at last) sister decided to move here, in with my mom, Mia, and Paul.
Few months later, shes on spice, pills, and meth. Pours bleach on carpet because she sees bugs. Breaks a window to get a boyfriend inside. Steals any and all valuables.
Even though the rental home is my moms, in my moms name, My mom is acting like she did back home....as if my sister runs the show again, as if she owns it. My mom wont kick my sister out. she says she would rather my sister home than dead on the street.
My sister moves in and out based on whatever boyfriend will let her stay.
fast forward a long terrible way to 2022.
My sister is clean. BF locked up, which helps her get clean. Good job making 20+. Living at my moms, 99% harmonious.
Today, my cousin asked me if we could all visit her and the family in Illinois (my moms fam).
I called my mom and started with, "She wants us to visit so I think we should--"
And she stopped me. And said "absolutely not". That my sister was insulted by them. My mom says, "when your sister was on drugs, they wanted nothing to do with her. They told me to keep her away from the cousins".
An insult?
I was astounded..... I couldn't contain it.
I said, "Is that wrong? She was a monster! I didn't want her anywhere near ME."
That led to my mom saying, "YOU were the one who wanted to sell the house."
I only did it because I felt we had to financially and for our mental health.
I blamed my sister....I never knew my mom blamed me.
When my dad died he left the house to my sister (14) and me (11). My mom and dad were divorced when I was 7, so he cut her out.
My sister was already dabbling in my dads vodka before his death and soon after his death she got into pot, then pills and alcohol, then heroin and alcohol. Then all of them all together.
When I called the cops when she was out of her mind or violent, they said they couldn't do anything since "she owned the house". I was stuck. My mom argued and fought with my sister but in the end.... what can you do? "I own the house". I stayed in my room. I learned whose footsteps were whose. Put on a fan for white noise. It was harder once my sister had a baby.
So many more hardships after that, that was the beginning.
I put a re-finance on my credit, to keep the house. Anything my dad had left us money wise was spent by my mom, gambling. I watched my niece more often than not. Sometimes I didn't even know I was supposed to. She would wake up and I called for my sister, my mom, anyone, to change her. But no one was home.
At 24 ish I met someone online and decided I needed to get out of my situation.
Two things needed to happen first. 1, someone will want the house. 2, my sister agrees to sell.
By miracle, and I swear....miracle, both those things happened.
We lost our a** in value. My sister and I both got 10k in the end, the rest to taxes. I spent 5k on a loan I had for the house, and the rest for an apartment down payment and a few months rent.
I left the house with only what fit in my dodge neon and onto Kentucky. (2012)
It hurt so bad that things happened the way they did, that I didn't talk to my sister for 5 years. And only talked to my mom maybe twice. I felt so young, and that they betrayed me. I didn't have anyone else...I needed them...their advice....I felt so lonely.
In the five years we were apart......My moms new life was with my brother Paul (33) , and Mia, my sister's daughter (4) in Vegas. Why Vegas? My brother bought a "home" without seeing it. Yep. My brother (to be fair) is a jack of all trades. he has this way of just "making it work". Everyone usually just trusts him. So my mom trusted him to make it work with her and Mia.
Sadly, they were basically always broke. Paul did his best but there were issues with his license/tickets and it messed with getting jobs. So he did odd jobs. My mom had to walk a few miles to a bus stop and back to get Mia to school twice a day. Sometimes the utilities went off and sometimes they heard gunshots. Plus both of their gambling addiction.
I didn't know how bad it was until my mom said that they were sleeping in the van that night and I told her to come here to Kentucky. So my mom and Mia came here in March 2018.
Paul went to California for a contractor. Worked for a while but it wasn't stable. then he just lived homeless on the beach and surfed for a bit but moved here a few months later.
Recap of between 2018 to 2022 - My (clean at last) sister decided to move here, in with my mom, Mia, and Paul.
Few months later, shes on spice, pills, and meth. Pours bleach on carpet because she sees bugs. Breaks a window to get a boyfriend inside. Steals any and all valuables.
Even though the rental home is my moms, in my moms name, My mom is acting like she did back home....as if my sister runs the show again, as if she owns it. My mom wont kick my sister out. she says she would rather my sister home than dead on the street.
My sister moves in and out based on whatever boyfriend will let her stay.
fast forward a long terrible way to 2022.
My sister is clean. BF locked up, which helps her get clean. Good job making 20+. Living at my moms, 99% harmonious.
Today, my cousin asked me if we could all visit her and the family in Illinois (my moms fam).
I called my mom and started with, "She wants us to visit so I think we should--"
And she stopped me. And said "absolutely not". That my sister was insulted by them. My mom says, "when your sister was on drugs, they wanted nothing to do with her. They told me to keep her away from the cousins".
An insult?
I was astounded..... I couldn't contain it.
I said, "Is that wrong? She was a monster! I didn't want her anywhere near ME."
That led to my mom saying, "YOU were the one who wanted to sell the house."
I only did it because I felt we had to financially and for our mental health.
I blamed my sister....I never knew my mom blamed me.
31-35, F
