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Xmas Rage, I put myself in this situation

Today is Xmas 2023... and im not angry at that I had a good day cleaned my home ate listened to my favourite songs...
But what Im angry about is firstly Im pms so badly seriously my body is sore and tender and I feel low and everything even the breeze of tje wind is irratating me.
I feel anger today at myself because In my whole life all I wanted was a better life for today Im 31 years old... a full blown adult when i was 13 years old I never imagined at the age of 31 I would have nothing ...just sitting in my parents home rotting away. And coming now into a new year and thinking that I cant do anymore years like this ...Im really feeling frustrated in myself because I was the 1 who dropped my studies which is something I would have never done because all i wanted was to work and make money not even for myself but my parents to give them money to travel the wonders of the world. And today I am a failure seriously but its ok to make mistakes and fail ...but im asking life for a new beginning.
Give me a new chance to be in the environment I want...
Eg my dad was drinking then all of a sudden his grumpy with me ...for what I never said anything to him ..but its a annoying ontop of that im alright edgy with this hormone full moon sensitivity but the truth is that I was work and make money and but my own house so I can have the people and environment that I want.
Secondly my mum has to invite her annoying brother and niece...
She acts so peity and irritating when she comes her...that shes unpleasurable to be around.
Now I have to deal with that energy also ...
But truth and 31 years old...
I should have my own family and in laws and kids to deal with not unnecessary brats.
I know I should be grateful that i Have a good family
But Like now that Im really feeling adulty...
Its like but I dont have to be in this situation.
Im old enough now to have the environment that i want even if it means siting and home and wtv or reading.
I think im also feeling financially frustrated because... i wish I had money to take care of myself go for a massage or hot steam. Money to move to another country and have a new energy and people and maybe meet the l9ve of my life there.
Money to make a change to my circumstances to change my life and not deal with my mum and her feeling sorry for everyone and lunch is at 1pm they rock up at 2 pm expecting us to waited so long for them to eat. And maybe money to hire someone who can really cook.well tasty food and not have these low.class ppl cook.who dont have an ounce of knowledge to make food taste nice.
I really don't enjoy being alive anymore and being a human on this earth ...
But everyday I fight with my might to have a better life and enjoy.the wonders of the world.
At 31 years old singles childless and trying to just know what the feeling of happiness like is it a warm or hot ...does it tingle Am i even cabable of being happy or am I just a miserably lump and its so deep within its all my soul knows...
I just want to be progressive wanna be successful life now ...have happiness and fulfilment and feel stable and at peace.
Since Im 9 years old Im searching for my soulmate... my husband the 1 who gave my soul that strength to have someone to count on ....At 31 and alot of bad dates later... i feel unfulfilled and unstable...
And just feeling some positive stability in my life would make me feel better.
you didn't say what country you live in,,but hear in the U,S,A, you can pack you bags catch a bus or plane to where you can have a new start ,,I was 40 married had 4 kids,,I had nothing where i lived ,i bought a old truck with a camper,,moved to Tennessee in 4 years i bought a house with land,, you can do it if you set your mind to it,,
have you made any steps to right your ship?
Send Resume stating :-

Hair Color
Type of Sports Car
Location of Beach side Condo
Length of Yacht
Can you wash a car
Can you cook

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