I Am Always Improving Myself

I'm a little stuck right now. Still trying to wiggle myself out of this trance. I only have myself to blame for my very lax attitude. It's a little hard when you get used to being one step ahead of everybody because of a privilege you were born with that when you move up the ladder where you and everybody else are on the same standing, with some even far more superior than you, you get a little dazed.

I do have to say though, it's exciting. I've always tried to hide myself and tried the best I could to work backstage and avoid disappointments. I felt jaded most of my life. But now I feel I have something to lose. I feel like I'm finally alive and I'm doing it all on my own. I feel like I can certainly be myself and test my own capabilities without preformed judgments and expectations. And now, I'm no longer afraid to disappoint people, what I'm afraid of is disappointing myself.