Ontheroad · M
This makes me wonder how this and when this came to be. I see some of this in me and it as a spot-on observation, but now I'm wondering if it is nature or nuture.
Are men, probably most men like this and if so, what role has what we see and learn, what is expected of us the cause?
Are men, probably most men like this and if so, what role has what we see and learn, what is expected of us the cause?
FoxyGoddess · 51-55, F
@Ontheroad I think it is a learned trait, through multiple sources. Society, parents, religion, they all teach men they are the most important part of society and everything rlse is made to serve them. This is especially true in religion and is shown through action in households where the wife and mother does all the household chores seemingly happily.
What those images don't show are the things women did to remain happy, like smoke, take opioids and downers, didn't work outside of the house, among other things.
Now that most of the world's economies rely completely on 2 household incomes, those ideas have not changed, making women not just take on all the daily home tasks, but a 40 hour work week as well while men have remained unaware that their wife is getting overwhemled and stressed out, which translates to the husband not caring about her or her well being.
I think this ideology is extremely common. Men want to be taken care of and think by working and bringing home a paycheck, they are providing care. Sadly, they never stop to think if that is the care their wife needs or to even ask her of that is satisfactory. Men simpky don't seem to think to ask themselves what they can do to help and do to show they care about their wife's well being. The paycheck seems to be enough for them, which in reality, is the bare minimum and hardly sufficient.
What those images don't show are the things women did to remain happy, like smoke, take opioids and downers, didn't work outside of the house, among other things.
Now that most of the world's economies rely completely on 2 household incomes, those ideas have not changed, making women not just take on all the daily home tasks, but a 40 hour work week as well while men have remained unaware that their wife is getting overwhemled and stressed out, which translates to the husband not caring about her or her well being.
I think this ideology is extremely common. Men want to be taken care of and think by working and bringing home a paycheck, they are providing care. Sadly, they never stop to think if that is the care their wife needs or to even ask her of that is satisfactory. Men simpky don't seem to think to ask themselves what they can do to help and do to show they care about their wife's well being. The paycheck seems to be enough for them, which in reality, is the bare minimum and hardly sufficient.
Ontheroad · M
@FoxyGoddess Pretty much straight down the line what I was thinking. I grew up in a time when a single bread earner was the norm and men truly did think of themselves as the master of their domain (the home).
There were six of us (kids) and my father was until I got into my teens, mostly absent as far aw we children. mom and the household was concerned. It wasn't that he was necessarily an uncaring man, because he did care... about bringing home a paycheck. That though was as far as it went.
That was my role model and mostly, that was the role model for many children at that time... which is why nothing much changed when women went into the workforce. Men in general hadn't a clue the stress, added stress this put on their spouse who were also mothers.
I and I don't know why, saw the stress and load my mother was under and with dad's other "iron fist rule" tactics, saw what it did to my mother.
So I learned something different than many did... I learned to care, to think and to do. Have I ever been the epitome of what a man should be in this regards... sadly, no, but I did try and taught my children, especially my son, to do better.
I think that's the answer. It takes generations and generations of fathers seeing, caring and providing better role models. I think we are getting there, but we've a ways to go... for some, a long way to go.
There were six of us (kids) and my father was until I got into my teens, mostly absent as far aw we children. mom and the household was concerned. It wasn't that he was necessarily an uncaring man, because he did care... about bringing home a paycheck. That though was as far as it went.
That was my role model and mostly, that was the role model for many children at that time... which is why nothing much changed when women went into the workforce. Men in general hadn't a clue the stress, added stress this put on their spouse who were also mothers.
I and I don't know why, saw the stress and load my mother was under and with dad's other "iron fist rule" tactics, saw what it did to my mother.
So I learned something different than many did... I learned to care, to think and to do. Have I ever been the epitome of what a man should be in this regards... sadly, no, but I did try and taught my children, especially my son, to do better.
I think that's the answer. It takes generations and generations of fathers seeing, caring and providing better role models. I think we are getting there, but we've a ways to go... for some, a long way to go.
OogieBoogie · F
I found the hardest thing was to rest.
There was no delineation between work space/period and rest space/period.
Plus, being put in charge of the home and family, but not being given the authority or set finances to do so. I could plan olit all out, only to be told no, or to change it all.
- i was ALWAYS switched to 'On'.
There's no way i could do it again. I dont know how i did it all back then....and go to work as well.
This is why i dont Believe in 'traditional roles' - i dont believe they can work for everyone now days, not with the financial pressures families face.
No one is meant to work 21 hrs a day, 7 days a week.
And he's right - its so lonely: to make it all work for everyone, but none of it is specifically for you.
That's why you need your partner to be.
There was no delineation between work space/period and rest space/period.
Plus, being put in charge of the home and family, but not being given the authority or set finances to do so. I could plan olit all out, only to be told no, or to change it all.
- i was ALWAYS switched to 'On'.
There's no way i could do it again. I dont know how i did it all back then....and go to work as well.
This is why i dont Believe in 'traditional roles' - i dont believe they can work for everyone now days, not with the financial pressures families face.
No one is meant to work 21 hrs a day, 7 days a week.
And he's right - its so lonely: to make it all work for everyone, but none of it is specifically for you.
That's why you need your partner to be.
bijouxbroussard · F
I was fortunate in one regard: I married someone who was ready to be a husband, and like me had grown up seeing a father who modeled how that worked in a partnership of equals. I didn’t have to nag, nor did I have to remain silent and become resentful. He knew what was helpful and contributed.
It’s another reason I don’t see myself remarrying, alas.
It’s another reason I don’t see myself remarrying, alas.