Sorry for posting so much about this lately … just remember I’m just rambling and you are free to skip xxx

But you don’t understand the hours.. the days that went by where I was aimlessly sobbing at the shell I was after being a DV survivor. The feelings of guilt like why did I let this happen? The feelings of regret like I let all that time pass me by and I was miserable. The self pity like why me? I would wake up crying, wetting my pillows before I even had a cup of coffee. I literally wanted to lay down and die

I did a lot of self healing and research to really understand why I was the way that I am. Why I allowed this to happen in the first place. I was so angry and bitter. I would wake up angry at the world. I would pick fights with my family and avoid my friends. I remember being so angry all the time. I had always been a goofy person who love to laugh and smile and joke around and I was no longer doing this. I didn’t even know who I was anymore I didn’t even know what I liked to do. I had to learn who I was all over again

I remember getting plenty of advice like “you may never get the real you back and that’s okay”

“It will take a lot of time”

I remember thinking so bleak that I would never reach the end. I would never be okay.

I started discovering so many things about myself I discovered why I was angry and directly addressed that. I addressed everything I addressed my childhood trauma. I accepted my faults and my strengths. I accepted that my past can not be changed and all I can do is move forward and try to create a better tomorrow

I learned that hope is one of the most important things you can have.

I smile again. I laugh more. I smile all day I laugh in a majority of the conversations I’m having with people. I notice people gravitate towards me. They enjoy my company and even actively seek it out

When you have been completely emotionally destroyed and you see people seeking comfort in your light that is one of the most humbling feelings I can describe

Thank you God for giving me the strength, and courage it took to overcome what I overcame. I prayed EVERY SINGLE DAY. I prayed for God to heal me I prayed for strength, perseverance and courage to overcome my obstacles

And God did what he had done for me everytime in my life when I needed him most, he came though

Thank you god that you have allowed my story and my pain to help many women in my waking life to get out of abusive relationships as well. Thank you to all the women in my waking life who come to me for advice. It is so humbling

An except from a poem that @ ozymandiaslives shared with me that fits so well

“I speak to my people, and I speak in my people’s name to
The masters of my people:
I say to my people that they are holy,
That they are august despite their chains.
That they are greater than those that hold them
And stronger and purer,
That they have but need of courage…”