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So I was a member here 4 years ago & some of you are new to me

Some of you I do remember even though you might not remember me. But I'd like to share a little bit about me anyway.

The weekend I left this site years ago was a turning point in my life. I didn't have a real job, I was selling mostly weed but other stuff too. I lived in a very ghetto neighborhood & one day I looked around & told myself I needed to get out before I end up trapped by that life.

Before I could make the decision for myself.. my house caught fire. Luckily my family made it out but we lost everything, including my pets. I did everything I could to rescue them. I tried running through the front door as the fire was burning but the flames burst through the porch & I immediately realized I couldn't get in that way. So I ran to the backyard & went through the back door. I was hit by the thickest black smoke & I couldn't see more than a foot in front of me but I went in anyway. I held my breath the best I could as I called my dogs names & searched for them while the ceiling was caving in all around me. I only lasted a minute before I started throwing up from the smoke & I couldn't breathe anymore. The firemen got there at that moment & pulled me out of the fire, scolding me for running in but all I cared about was my dogs. When they pulled their bodies out I just broke down.

I left SW that same weekend. It was nothing personal, I was just heartbroken & it hurt too much to interact on any social media pretending like I was okay. I was angry; I was hurt. I just felt like nobody could understand. Sadly, that wasn't the end of the bad luck. The next house I lived in burned down as well, only 6 months later. Luckily that time I had experience & I knew what to do. I only had cats (just one cat who had 4 babies. I've never had another dog since that first fire. I think it traumatized me in a way because I find it very hard to call another dog mine. Perhaps it's the helplessness of not being able to save them that night). But I immediately grabbed a backpack & threw all the cats in it. My sister had a dog & I was able to save him as well. I felt lucky to be able to save them all that time around. I didn't care about anything else that was lost. As I learned from the first fire, everything is replaceable... but life is not.

After losing everything twice in a row I finally felt a fire light under my ass. I left my old life behind, disconnected from the people around me who weren't helping me get anywhere. I finally got a real job where I didn't have to struggle or wonder if I'd make enough money for groceries through the week. I bought my first car & was finally making enough money to buy all the things I always wanted but never saw as realistic for someone like me.

Over the years I've had my ups & downs, had my heart broken from a failed relationship, at one point 2 years ago I even tried to take my own life but I survived. I don't know if I died & came back but I do know that I saw my grandma's arms before I woke back up (I know, call me crazy lol). She had just passed away a week before & that was the day of her funeral. Probably the lowest point in my life as well.

Looking back.. it's only been 4 years since I've been here on SW & it's making me realize just how much has happened in that short time. I say "short" because I almost can't believe how much I've been through in such a small amount of time... It feels like so much longer.

I'm in much better state of mind these days. I'm not perfect & I definitely still have things I want to work on.. but I'm finally comfortable in my own skin & I'm proud of how far I've come. I've never been able to say that before. I know a lot of you might know how it feels, & maybe some of you are still struggling to get somewhere.. but I hope you know that the things we go through are what make us who we are. If I could go back, I wouldn't change a thing.

I apologize if you read all this & feel like I wasted your time.. I just wanted to share a piece of who I've become since I first left here. I'm actually glad to see some familiar faces & names still around. & To anyone who's joined 2018 or after, hey nice to meet you 馃槍

Much love to you all 馃檹
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trackboy22-25, M
any idea why both houses burned down?? seems like they burn really fast too even with the chalkboard walls that should be fire resistant as the chalk is fireproof. the chalkboard is put on over the lumber then some pasture that is also fireproof is spread on over that then the paint is put on. good, you survived your suicide attempt. 馃崼
ChiefWalksWith40oz26-30
@trackboy first one was from a candle that was left burning inside. It started in the living room. The second one was from someone who intentionally poured gas along the back wall to set it on fire purposefully. Long story.
Thanks though I appreciate it 馃檹
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