So I was a member here 4 years ago & some of you are new to me
Some of you I do remember even though you might not remember me. But I'd like to share a little bit about me anyway.
The weekend I left this site years ago was a turning point in my life. I didn't have a real job, I was selling mostly weed but other stuff too. I lived in a very ghetto neighborhood & one day I looked around & told myself I needed to get out before I end up trapped by that life.
Before I could make the decision for myself.. my house caught fire. Luckily my family made it out but we lost everything, including my pets. I did everything I could to rescue them. I tried running through the front door as the fire was burning but the flames burst through the porch & I immediately realized I couldn't get in that way. So I ran to the backyard & went through the back door. I was hit by the thickest black smoke & I couldn't see more than a foot in front of me but I went in anyway. I held my breath the best I could as I called my dogs names & searched for them while the ceiling was caving in all around me. I only lasted a minute before I started throwing up from the smoke & I couldn't breathe anymore. The firemen got there at that moment & pulled me out of the fire, scolding me for running in but all I cared about was my dogs. When they pulled their bodies out I just broke down.
I left SW that same weekend. It was nothing personal, I was just heartbroken & it hurt too much to interact on any social media pretending like I was okay. I was angry; I was hurt. I just felt like nobody could understand. Sadly, that wasn't the end of the bad luck. The next house I lived in burned down as well, only 6 months later. Luckily that time I had experience & I knew what to do. I only had cats (just one cat who had 4 babies. I've never had another dog since that first fire. I think it traumatized me in a way because I find it very hard to call another dog mine. Perhaps it's the helplessness of not being able to save them that night). But I immediately grabbed a backpack & threw all the cats in it. My sister had a dog & I was able to save him as well. I felt lucky to be able to save them all that time around. I didn't care about anything else that was lost. As I learned from the first fire, everything is replaceable... but life is not.
After losing everything twice in a row I finally felt a fire light under my ass. I left my old life behind, disconnected from the people around me who weren't helping me get anywhere. I finally got a real job where I didn't have to struggle or wonder if I'd make enough money for groceries through the week. I bought my first car & was finally making enough money to buy all the things I always wanted but never saw as realistic for someone like me.
Over the years I've had my ups & downs, had my heart broken from a failed relationship, at one point 2 years ago I even tried to take my own life but I survived. I don't know if I died & came back but I do know that I saw my grandma's arms before I woke back up (I know, call me crazy lol). She had just passed away a week before & that was the day of her funeral. Probably the lowest point in my life as well.
Looking back.. it's only been 4 years since I've been here on SW & it's making me realize just how much has happened in that short time. I say "short" because I almost can't believe how much I've been through in such a small amount of time... It feels like so much longer.
I'm in much better state of mind these days. I'm not perfect & I definitely still have things I want to work on.. but I'm finally comfortable in my own skin & I'm proud of how far I've come. I've never been able to say that before. I know a lot of you might know how it feels, & maybe some of you are still struggling to get somewhere.. but I hope you know that the things we go through are what make us who we are. If I could go back, I wouldn't change a thing.
I apologize if you read all this & feel like I wasted your time.. I just wanted to share a piece of who I've become since I first left here. I'm actually glad to see some familiar faces & names still around. & To anyone who's joined 2018 or after, hey nice to meet you 馃槍
Much love to you all 馃檹
The weekend I left this site years ago was a turning point in my life. I didn't have a real job, I was selling mostly weed but other stuff too. I lived in a very ghetto neighborhood & one day I looked around & told myself I needed to get out before I end up trapped by that life.
Before I could make the decision for myself.. my house caught fire. Luckily my family made it out but we lost everything, including my pets. I did everything I could to rescue them. I tried running through the front door as the fire was burning but the flames burst through the porch & I immediately realized I couldn't get in that way. So I ran to the backyard & went through the back door. I was hit by the thickest black smoke & I couldn't see more than a foot in front of me but I went in anyway. I held my breath the best I could as I called my dogs names & searched for them while the ceiling was caving in all around me. I only lasted a minute before I started throwing up from the smoke & I couldn't breathe anymore. The firemen got there at that moment & pulled me out of the fire, scolding me for running in but all I cared about was my dogs. When they pulled their bodies out I just broke down.
I left SW that same weekend. It was nothing personal, I was just heartbroken & it hurt too much to interact on any social media pretending like I was okay. I was angry; I was hurt. I just felt like nobody could understand. Sadly, that wasn't the end of the bad luck. The next house I lived in burned down as well, only 6 months later. Luckily that time I had experience & I knew what to do. I only had cats (just one cat who had 4 babies. I've never had another dog since that first fire. I think it traumatized me in a way because I find it very hard to call another dog mine. Perhaps it's the helplessness of not being able to save them that night). But I immediately grabbed a backpack & threw all the cats in it. My sister had a dog & I was able to save him as well. I felt lucky to be able to save them all that time around. I didn't care about anything else that was lost. As I learned from the first fire, everything is replaceable... but life is not.
After losing everything twice in a row I finally felt a fire light under my ass. I left my old life behind, disconnected from the people around me who weren't helping me get anywhere. I finally got a real job where I didn't have to struggle or wonder if I'd make enough money for groceries through the week. I bought my first car & was finally making enough money to buy all the things I always wanted but never saw as realistic for someone like me.
Over the years I've had my ups & downs, had my heart broken from a failed relationship, at one point 2 years ago I even tried to take my own life but I survived. I don't know if I died & came back but I do know that I saw my grandma's arms before I woke back up (I know, call me crazy lol). She had just passed away a week before & that was the day of her funeral. Probably the lowest point in my life as well.
Looking back.. it's only been 4 years since I've been here on SW & it's making me realize just how much has happened in that short time. I say "short" because I almost can't believe how much I've been through in such a small amount of time... It feels like so much longer.
I'm in much better state of mind these days. I'm not perfect & I definitely still have things I want to work on.. but I'm finally comfortable in my own skin & I'm proud of how far I've come. I've never been able to say that before. I know a lot of you might know how it feels, & maybe some of you are still struggling to get somewhere.. but I hope you know that the things we go through are what make us who we are. If I could go back, I wouldn't change a thing.
I apologize if you read all this & feel like I wasted your time.. I just wanted to share a piece of who I've become since I first left here. I'm actually glad to see some familiar faces & names still around. & To anyone who's joined 2018 or after, hey nice to meet you 馃槍
Much love to you all 馃檹
