What gives you self-confidence?

TT_TT
That worked when I was a child...
But now when I receive positive feedback, it's either I think that the person giving me positive feedback wants something from me or I try my best to negate it....

I never had positive feedback growing up, so I'm on the other side of the fence,

I grew up with both my mom and her sister showering me with praises because of my high grades (even though it wasn't really THAT high... ex. if the range of passing grades is between 75 (passing) to 95-100, I would get an average of 88) and stuff like that. It only lead me to fear disappointing them so much that during my last two (2) years of college, I couldn't get enough sleep. I felt guilty every time I would sleep... I felt like sleep is waste of time (no matter how much I love sleeping) and that I should just keep on studying... There was a time when I was awake for three (3) days with only an hour or two of sleep (only because I fell asleep while commuting to school).

Yep that can be the negative and have huge implications for you, there's an in balance somewhere I guess.

Yep... they actually tried to make me sleep because they were worried...
I think I almost got run over by a car at least three (3) times while crossing the street... the closest would be about 2-3 centimeters away from me. Stupid driver... I was crossing the street using the pedestrian too and he was driving a bit fast...

Your family need to back off and let you be you and be way more supportive. Or there may consequences as you have just mentioned.

It's too late for that I guess... I'm already suffering from the effects of being told what to do...
Example:
Past: I was not allowed to play outside. My mom told me not to get in-between of conversations when adults are talking.
Now: I don't know how to socialize properly. I couldn't speak to people older than me (most of the time) unless it's really REALLY necessary. And I don't like going out of the house. I'd rather stay in it most of the time.

Though I guess it's not entirely hopeless to change myself, it would be a long and hard journey just to take the first step into doing that.

You seem to have a strong backbone, from what I'm reading. You take those steps you need no matter how tentative to begin with and build everyday. That's what I had to do and it was hard work.

Well I try my best... even though I'm really timid. I just know that I can't always stay this way. There are a lot of times I run away too.... TT_TT

Yes you will,trust in yourself.

Hahaha.... And that's one of the things I'm trying to work on too... trusting myself....

That's a must,I wish you well on your journey. You can always drop me a line and say hi.

Thanks :)

Your welcome.