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hartfire
People tend to put one another into categories...
"all shy people are such and such",
"all arrogant people are insecure',
"if a person behaves this way in this situation,
then they must do the same in all other situations too, because that is how they are."
But even this is a generalisation.
Lots of people also realise that making assumptions about someone is a big mistake.
If I meet a shy person, I respect that shyness.
If I hope to be their friend, I will be gentle, relaxed, diffidently friendly, and
leave it to them to make the first move, if and when they feel comfortable with it.
I am also careful no to commit to the friendship;
until I understand the source of the shyness,
I keep a distance that will make it easy to back out without causing any hurt.
Over time, I have come to realise that most shy people have some belief about themselves; that others will not like them, at some point, in the process of getting to know them. Essentially they fear being judged and rejected. Sometimes there is good reason for this and sometimes not. My deepest experience of this was my own mother, who's shyness was quite extreme.
(She died 5 months ago, of old age.)
"all shy people are such and such",
"all arrogant people are insecure',
"if a person behaves this way in this situation,
then they must do the same in all other situations too, because that is how they are."
But even this is a generalisation.
Lots of people also realise that making assumptions about someone is a big mistake.
If I meet a shy person, I respect that shyness.
If I hope to be their friend, I will be gentle, relaxed, diffidently friendly, and
leave it to them to make the first move, if and when they feel comfortable with it.
I am also careful no to commit to the friendship;
until I understand the source of the shyness,
I keep a distance that will make it easy to back out without causing any hurt.
Over time, I have come to realise that most shy people have some belief about themselves; that others will not like them, at some point, in the process of getting to know them. Essentially they fear being judged and rejected. Sometimes there is good reason for this and sometimes not. My deepest experience of this was my own mother, who's shyness was quite extreme.
(She died 5 months ago, of old age.)